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I don't know what to do

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I have found out that my husband is using internet porn sites again (I say again, I'm doubting he ever stopped after I 1st found out 8 years ago).  He has had couselling, around 12 weeks altogether after the 1st time I found out and admitted he was addicted to it.

Our sex life is non existent as he shows little interest in it, and frankly, no matter what i do it's not enough.

I'm totally broken and don't know what to do or where to turn. I can't talk to anyone as I'm so ashamed.

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Hi Broken68 - first of all let me say how sorry I am that you have found yourself in this dreadful situation.  I share your pain and can completely understand why you don’t want to share this with your family. I’m not entirely sure that I can give you too much advice as I am new on here myself and was kind of hoping to get some support too.  I only found out about my husbands addiction 3.5 months ago and I feel exactly the same.  What I can say is that I had also had clues in the past and, although we had addressed them through therapy, my husband never came clean about everything at any point and so the problems with the marriage always continued and (I assume) the addiction got worse.  It is clear to me that if that your husband has been doing this for 8 years then he is in pretty deep.  If you want your partner to get better you will need to confront him and get him  to commit to a serious course of therapy or 12step programme; but it is he who really needs to decide and commit to that for himself.  He needs to hit his own rock bottom.  For now, all you can do is look after yourself as much as possible. Try to keep yourself occupied with things that you enjoy and make sure that you treat yourself well.  Eat well, sleep as much as you can (it’s tough I know) and maybe see a doctor so that you can get some support for you.  When you feel strong enough also try and find one person who you can trust that you can share this with, just so you have a the opportunity to let off steam. If you feel you cannot do that then please do talk to me. Who knows -maybe we can help eachother through this awful time...  In the meantime you have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s your husbands actions that have caused this devastation not yours. Keep your chin up. X

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