E

[E]

I am currently struggling between the idea that my partner has a level of sex addiction, versus a feeling that he is just having his cake and eating it. He is unable to communicate his feelings much of the time and I am left with a sense of despair and feel it is time I talked to someone outside of our relationship about what all this means. He has to some extent acknowledged the problem, but seems hellbent on sabotaging any help he has so far sought (CBT course, counselling). Each time he starts to seek help, he will at the same time further the behaviour he is seeking to get help for! And around we go.
I am feeling increasingly isolated and unable to separate out those feelings of inadequacy that his constant cheating gives me from a non-emotionally driven reaction and understanding. How can one be sure that someone is an addict and not just someone selfish and lacking in thought for others?!

[D]

Hi E, I 100% understand why you question the validity of his sex addiction. I guess you can never know for sure of anything in life, but I am 100% sure that sex addicts are selfish, and prioritise their own needs over others (hence struggle to think of others) as they are crucial elements to maintaining addiction. D

[E]

Thanks for your response.

That is likely very true and as time goes on I recognise that its not about intentionally hurting someone. But I think even when the problem is recognised and acknowledged, spoken about at length with a compassion plucked from the depths of love and care for the person with the problem, despite the pain involved, its so hard to then be shouted at, called malicious,  called stupid etc just because there is now a label attached to it, which seems to serve as an excuse to carry on that behaviour. I guess there is no controlling it or stopping it, just because it has been spoken about out loud. I was  naive to think it would suddenly would make any significant difference!

Baby steps, one step at a time but hopefully a step in the right direction, at least.