Triggers

[Hanginginthere]

I'm currently reading Paula Hall's book 'Sex Addiction: The partners perspective' and when reading about triggers I could not see/feel any that I identified with. Until last night. 

My husband had gone to see his dad in Dorset on Saturday, returning home on Sunday. He took our youngest child with him, leaving me with 2 at home (and the dog). I enjoyed my time alone with the kids, felt calm, slept well and had fun. 

When he came home, I could see and feel a change in my behaviour. I had no patience or tolerance towards the kids, the dog constantly annoyed  me. I felt the need to talk about my feelings and where the kids had gone to bed my husband and I talked. It brings to the forefront again how I am still feeling in shock & trying to come to terms with his porn addiction. 

Anyway, when we went to bed I started thinking about what I had read yesterday. And the excercizes in the book about thinking back on childhood experiences etc. I started feeling really tearful and sad. We talked a bit, he wanted a hug and I didn't. In fact I wanted him as far away as possible, back in Dorset if possible! I left the room for a bit, started feeling calmer. Returned to my bed, started feeling anxious again. And then I think I had a mild panick attack, as I realised HE is my trigger! I couldn't help but sob and tell him, I think YOU are my trigger. How do I avoid that? I'm the one who works, he looks after our kids. I can't leave, neither can he .....

he offered to sleep elsewhere in the house, that has made me feel better. Still it's 4am and I'm awake, unable to sleep. Thinking constantly about everything, analysing everything. 

What do I do, when HE is my trigger? How is this going to work?? 

Feeling exhausted, alone and so confused. 

 

[PJ]

Hi Hangingthere - keep talking.  You sound like you feel trapped and have no options.  Let us know how things are going.