Back to London

[Yiksob11]

I have got some work in London over the next two weeks. And this is great. I get out, make some money, meet new people, and socialise.

But the last time I worked in London I used sex workers a lot. So, I am making it my goal to not do so AT ALL during this period.

I think it will be a massive boost of confidence for me if I can be succesful. And I know that I will be. I plan to sleep early every night, make an effort with my colleagues, read verociously, keep positive and keep busy, meditate and exercise lightly each morn and night. I think that if I can keep my head straight then all will be well. The trouble is that I may get into a bad frame of mind where a relapse is difficult to overcome. Nonetheless, I have to believe that I can do this, and I do believe that I can do this.

Have a great day, more posts to follow

[Rob]

Hello,

It's great to start over with a new chance and do things differently. I wish you every success.

I think understanding when and how you get into such a "bad frame of mind" is really important to stopping yourself going back down the old paths of coping by acting out. That's tricky to do sometimes but if you can spot that ahead of time and realise you are getting in a vulnerable place then you can do something about it before it gets too bad.

You also list a lot of healthy habits there but sometimes I think it's necessary to give yourself permission to be less restrictive at times and have fun when it is nothing to do with sex. Finding hobbies and activities can be a lot of fun in itself. For me, I found I need something and I'd I try to be "good" all the time or be needless then it just gets bottled up more and is a trigger to acting out. So I definitely need things that are mine. As long as those hobbies are safe, without shame and in the open then all is well.

I would really like to encourage you strongly to stay away from places and areas where you used to go and act out. Because I know from experience that going back there becomes a big trigger in itself, even if you're otherwise feeling fine. It can easily destroy hard work especially at the beginning where things are so fragile in recovery.

Further, for me, a critical part of recovery has been keeping away from any and all sexual fantasy and thoughts as much as possible and avoiding masturbation. Different people are different here but I found me always gently guiding my thoughts away from any sexual fantasy helps tremendously. Just being aware of that made me realise actually that I used to think about such things a lot but not really acknowledge how much time and distraction it was. It continues the porn fantasy in the mind, even when you are not acting out. So, if I let the fantasy thrive, it will keep the battle in my mind going on and on. I am fighting myself.

Peace

[Help!!!]

Hi Yiksob11. Sounds like you are planning all the right strategies to prevent slipping. Good luck and stay strong

[PJ]

Hi Yiksob

Well done you!  That's great news.

Another option to help you stay 'sober' is to attend 12 step meetings - there a lot in London and you could find one every evening of the week.  I attend SAA but there are others which you can find on the internet.  SA - sexaholics anonymous is another.

All the best.

[PJ]

Hi Yiksob

It seems to me that you did really well in London - shame about the slip on the last day.  Very frustrating.

Having been round and round the addiction cycle myself oh so many times - I can relate to your struggle.

My question though is, are you getting help?  The wisdom and advice of every addict in recovery, of whatever addiction, is that you can't do this alone.  I would suggest you need both professional support (and there is nothing in my experience quite like a group context for that) and a friend/sponsor.  Personally I would recommend Paula's Laurel Centre because it worked so well for me - I went on one of her intensives in May 2015 and haven't acted out (my problem was porn and seeing sex workers too) since. 

Keep coming back Yiksob - let us know how you are getting on.