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I can't stop paying for sex, getting ridiculous

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In a bad place right now. I just spent over £200 on sex in one day. I went to SOHO with a friend, massage parlours. I have been paying for sex for about 2 years now. I am 21, just graduated from uni. I have never been in a real relationship, only drunken flings and with escorts. It sucks. 
I get up everyday and I try, I say 'not today'- no porn, no webcam girls, no escorts....everyday. I don't know what to do anymore. Honestly, I can see why some people just end it. I see no way out. I can't seem to stop. I will not end it. I am naïve enough to believe there is hope, that things could get better. Maybe they will. I earnt about £1500 in the summer, I blew almost all on sex. I feel so bad about myself. I pay for women to verbally humiliate me online, and that makes me feel better. 
I simply don't have the confidence to go on holiday on my own, a better use for my money. Basically, the only person I spend time with outside of home is nuts and just wants to fuck, drink, and do drugs, but he is very funny and I get on well with him.
I meditate, I draw, I exercise....I try not to let this bullshit swallow me up, but I think it has already digested me....sizzling
Can a dirty dog play it straight? Seems not
Thanks for reading


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Addictions often develop because we need to soothe (makes me feel better) and this can be because of unmet needs and issues that we are often unaware of, or because we don't feel we are 'good enough' because of what has happened to us or what has been said to us in the past. Addressing the unmet needs are an important part of addressing the behaviour and moving on into recovery. Keeping the addiction alive will reinforce the negative beliefs and keep you in the cycle of addiction. You have already shown great motivation and courage in the things you have put in place to change your life, but perhaps you need to think about getting support to deal with the unmet needs, so that you can feel better without the need to self soothe. Recovery is possible. Christine


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