Hello Newbie Here

[Izzy]

Hi there

After a scare with a stranger tonight I've been researching and it looks like I'm addicted to sex and or porn.

I'm married and love my life, pregnant wife and two dogs very very much, which is why when a girl I was texting threatened to put a photo of me on Facebook I panicked.

After the research I think I'm addicted to porn and the attention of strangers, I have met other guys for sex and I can rationalise this as having no feelings for anyone and only wanting pleasure.

This girl was advertising blow jobs and i thought I'd have a go, what a mistake, anyway it looks like she has done me a favour as now I know I have a problem and what it is.

Can anyone help?

[Schrödinger]

Hey Izzy. 

Welcome. You've done the right thing by reaching out. And also by realising that you might have an addiction. 

Don't beat yourself up about the mistake. Use it to begin the learning process of what is going on in your head, and what feelings you are running away from. 

Go and read up about sexual addiction, think about having therapy, go on a course, and talk to others who might be in the same place as you.

Remember you are not alone. 

Schrödinger. 

[PJ]

Hi Izzy

As Schrodinger says, you have started well - the first step is to realise you are addicted, powerless over this and the only way to conquer it is to get help.

Paula's book on Sex Addiction is an excellent book to understand the basics about it and what to do about it but it won't be enough - you need either a course like her recovery course of which she has a variety of different formats or a 12 step programme.  There are 3 different 12steps - one is Sexaholics Anonymous which is on the stricter end, 'Sex Addicts Anonymous' and 'Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous' - the latter is more mixed.  Do look on their different websites.

It can be a long road but worth every step - sex addiction leads to so much pain and damage.  

[AddictOnWayToRecovery]

Hi Izzy,

As everyone said, knowing you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I completely relate myself to you, as I also took the route of looking at escorts and the next untried thrill on the internet. I only realised how rooted my addiction was when I decided to go cold turkey. It is a horrible addiction as it is so accessible.

I am married with 2 beautiful kids and what really gave me the strength was the shame I felt when looking at my family. I never disclosed my secret with my wife, but I know she knew... I couldn't bear her disappointment and I decided to deal with it on my own. This works for me, but I do understand that it would be so much easier having the support of someone you trust. 

I prepared myself psychologically and I decided to completely stop watching porn, looking at pictures of sexy girls in bikinis, escorts, any program on tv I knew would contain sex/nudity, masturbation, etc. This was the start of a huge psychological battle that must have lasted about 4 weeks. For the first two weeks I just couldn't take my mind off porn/sex; this was the time I had to have enormous inner strength and I knew that if I gave in even once, I would have relapsed.

In my second week of going cold turkey, I rediscovered the pleasure in making love with my wife. With my addiction, our sex decreased considerably to about once a month (at times even less) and I could not feel the pleasure. I would think of porn while doing and I would really treat her like a sex object... Horrible to say, but nearly like a piece of meat. As you are married, try and replace the urge of porn/casual sex with making love to your wife. This helped me a lot!

From the fifth week onward, the urge becomes less and less dominant in your life but it is still there and you can't give in. Actually you can never give in, you have to let it sink in your head that this part of your life has come to an end... No more porn (ever!), no more escorts, no more looking at sexy girls on Zoo Magazine, no more masturbation... Have more sex with your wife instead and it's a win win situation.

You need to be aware of how difficult it is to rectify this problem and you need to be ready for the battle. Always keep in mind the consequences of your addiction... It can break up your family, break you financially, the constant guilt, worrying if you get caught, the panic if your wife accesses your computer, etc... All this would go away by doing something about it.

I wish you the best of luck

V 

Edited August 16, 2016 by AddictOnWayToRecovery