Zaybd-24 Posted September 28, 2021 Report Share Posted September 28, 2021 I don’t know where else to turn as I don’t have anybody I can talk to about this and I also don’t want to expose my husband’s weakness to anybody I know, plus there’s nobody I know that can give sound advice or support on this without judgment or telling me to divorce or something along those lines - something which is not an option for me as we have a young daughter and another one on the way. Last Friday, my husband came to me and told me that he’d seen a sex worker at the beginning of the week, it was the first time he’s done that and it’s safe to say that I was shocked. I think I’ve spent the past days in denial but now it’s starting to dawn on me and now I’m facing daily mental breakdowns which I’m trying to hide, intense intrusive thoughts and racing thoughts. I found out that the place he went to was literally a 15 minute walk away from where I work, and he was there while I was at work and I just felt sick. I want to get past this and move on with our marriage - he’s been struggling with a porn/sex/love addiction for 16 years since he was abused at the age of 11/12 by a family member and also abused by other family members and he has resolved that this was the final straw and he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore but at the same time, he’s still expressing that he is having urges to do it again as I think now he’s broken the barrier, it’s difficult to come back from it. He is seeing a therapist starting Sunday and we are also going to start marriage counselling but I am struggling. I can’t wrap my head around it and I’m trying to be empathetic to his struggle as he has expressed that his actions this week have made him suicidal, but there is nobody there for me. How do I get through this? I feel so alone - I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts and questioning and I feel like I’m going mad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted September 28, 2021 Report Share Posted September 28, 2021 Welcome to the forum and as you will read there are many facing this roller coaster 🎢 of emotions. Everyone is at different stages and you are not alone. I think it will be helpful to read the associated blogs and I point you to the start of this series which will help put in place boundaries and care for you. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction-discovery/ Look after yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaybd-24 Posted September 28, 2021 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2021 1 hour ago, Firefly said: Welcome to the forum and as you will read there are many facing this roller coaster 🎢 of emotions. Everyone is at different stages and you are not alone. I think it will be helpful to read the associated blogs and I point you to the start of this series which will help put in place boundaries and care for you. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction-discovery/ Look after yourself. Thank you I’ll be sure to give everything a read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElleS Posted September 29, 2021 Report Share Posted September 29, 2021 Dear Zaybd-24, Your husband has a LOT of issues he needs to deal with before he will be ready to try and make things better between you. I've been dealing with my husband's addiction for some time, and I've come to realise that it isn't in any way, shape or form anything to do with me. He can make my life miserable, if I let him. Or, he can leave me alone and sort himself out, whether through counselling or whatever it takes, and then - and only then - does he have any right to want to have a married life with me. It is not what any of us signed up for when we said I do. And we should not have to go through it - it isn't fair. So the only thing you can do is say, I'll be there when you've had help, but until then, I'm looking out for myself. I think I still love my husband, but I don't like him or his behaviour at all. You can't fix all the horrible things that have happened to your husband, and you're going to drive yourself mad if you try to. Stand firm - but look out for you. x 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Feeling fragile Posted October 2, 2021 Report Share Posted October 2, 2021 Hi there; I just want to share that I have dealt with similar things and feel I can relate: hang in there! Will send a longer message tomorrow as I’m super tired but didn’t want to read and move past…. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaykay Posted October 4, 2021 Report Share Posted October 4, 2021 Look after you. Your husband will have work to do before he can work on the relationship. Please think of yourself and your daughter xx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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