Heartorhead Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Hello, Very new to all of this and have no one I can physically talk to without them forming an opinion on my boyfriend and never being able to see past that. the short version...we’ve been together nearly 3 years. 1.5 years into the relationship I found out he had slept with someone I already had doubts about. I found out by following my gut and messaging the girl. I challenged him and he admitted it. We chose to try and move on as he said (& it was confirmed by her) that it was right at the beginning of our relationship. moving forward to 2.5 years together and I had another bad gut feeling. In my heart i knew I didn’t fully trust him anymore and had an urge to go through his phone. I saw that he had been messaging other girls but the content of the messages were gone. I challenged him, admitted I had looked through his phone and he eventually admitted to being inappropriate/ crossed the line with these girls (approx 5 of them) but that it had only even been online, never face to face. He tells me he thinks he has an addiction to porn but that he gets a thrill from messaging these girls and then feels like rubbish after. he says he masturbates 3-4 times a day and due to sexual abuse growing up, wonders if he has been over sexualised. I really can’t get my head around if he really does have a porn addiction, wanting to message, or is that just an excuse and him trying to justify betraying my trust, again. any advice would really be appreciated x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Hi Thanks for being brave and contacting the forum, he might find it helpful to look at the kickstart recovery site; www.sexaddictionhelp.co.uk - it sounds like it would be helpful for both of you, to see if he does have an addiction. You might also benefit from getting support from The Laurel Centre if the kickstart recovery does suggest an addiction, check out the support offered for both people wanting to address the addiction and partners needing support. If it does turn out to be an addiction, if he seeks support to recover and address the issues you mentioned this may help you and the relationship if you decide to stay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartorhead Posted April 7, 2021 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Thank you, I will look into this and pass on the information Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Dear HeartorHead, Welcome to the Forum. So very sorry to hear your story. From what you indicate and from my own experience it would indicate that your boyfriend may have a porn addiction. Following on from what Christine has suggested he might also be interested in this online test as it will help determine the level of addiction. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/am-i-a-sex-addict You may find the following blog useful to get your head around what is happening and give you some helpful points to consider. The partner’s journey through sex addiction : Self-care (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) You need to look after yourself as a priority. I hope this helps a little and I am sure that others may share their experience with you. You are not alone. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartorhead Posted April 7, 2021 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Thank you for your reply. I appreciate this may not be a question you can answer but will ask in case you have seen or heard of anything similar. Are you aware of sexual abuse growing up, causing/ contributing an addiction to porn/ sex? many thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted April 7, 2021 Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 Hi, I am not a qualified therapist but from my own experience and what I have read there does appear to be a link between childhood trauma (including sexual abuse), contributing to a reliance to self soothe with porn, and this becoming an addiction in a lot of cases, to a lesser or greater degree. Sometimes it takes a specialist therapist to get to the root cause of an individuals triggers. Hope that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heartorhead Posted April 7, 2021 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2021 That does help. Thank you again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.