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Hi all, hope you are well and safe.

I am the wife on the receiving end of a husband with porn addiction. We have been together for 8 years now and at the beginning of the relationship I was slightly naive. I followed my gut instinct, I sensed something wasn't right but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then it all became apparent, I caught him on multiple sex chat rooms,videos of him and other girls on sites, on his pc, phone etc. I was absolutely distraught, not overly confident myself due to childhood issues which he was aware of, he knew how it would make me feel however, despite telling me on numerous occasions he will stop it continued. Then when I fell pregnant with our beautiful girl, he was evil, I knew the signs, I knew what he was doing and I caught him again. I decided I didn't want to bring my child up in this environment so I went back to my own town. I was done, it hurt so bad, my first child,. I was petrified. I then found out he had put our personal videos on sex sites. Violated was an understatement.

As time went on I got used to the idea of raising my baby, till one day he turned up out of the blue at my door begging me to give another chance so I did. He sold his house i sold mine we brought a nice new home,.it was looking up. We moved in on the Friday I gave birth on the Sunday. Again I started to sense something wasn't right. He never wanted to know me, didn't interact with our daughter and used to go work then bed. One day he called me early in the day really upset, I asked him what had happened, he said work had sent him home because he was depressed. Something  wasn't right, when he got home I could tell there was more to it, so I said you just need to tell me the truth. Eventually he did, all the time I was pregnant he was and when we moved to our house he was seeing a girl from work, they were sending explicit videos and pictures to each other using work laptops and he got suspended. His parents disowned him I was absolutely broken. Again, I stood by him. He promised to get help, went to a couple of sessions and stopped. Same thing again and again.

We ended up getting married another clear slate but yes he's is still doing it, he has no interest in me whatsoever, he sleeps in my daughters bed and she is in our bed with me.  I really thought after the last time he had done with it. I tell him how no intimacy makes me feel. He told me he couldn't get an erection, I offered to go doctors with him. Weeks went by no change, no doctors. I actually thought to myself no way he can't still be doing this 8 years on. Yes, he is, I caught him again 2 weeks ago, all the videos he said he never had any more were all there again despite him having a new phone. When he asked me to prove it, even when confronted with the evidence he continued to deny it, how patronising. I never argue in front of my girl so I just left the house. I asked him to be gone when I get back. He was still there sleeping like a baby. He came down to me and gave me the same thing I have heard for years. I ended up poorly last week and was hospitalised. I am out now and he is acting like nothing happened and continues to sleep in my daughters room.

He has completely destroyed me, he is an amazing father, my daughter dotes on him, we never argue with the exception of the above times, we actually have things in common but I'm torn now I cannot break my daughters heart but how many times do I let him do this to us. I ask for nothing just to be loved, feel loved and always be honest.  I'm so lost right now, I have a heart of gold and I always get along with everyone. I have really had enough but then I look at our girl. When I met him I was a size 6-8 and I kept myself very fit. When I had our daughter I gave my body to her for the 9 months and went to a size 26, after having her I am now a size 12. I feel he is not attracted to me, he is 53 I am 41. I have people paying me Compliments, I could easily find another man, but he is my husband and the father of my child.

I feel so empty right now and really low self esteem. I'm sharing my story to try and get help but also to give people an understanding of how the receiving end feels 😌 x

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This is so horrible for you. I'd definitely get the partners book on sex addiction. It's really helpful. Big hugs xx

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It is so hard to keep giving love and not have it respected and valued.  First and foremost, you have to take care of yourself.  Read everything you can about sex addiction.  For so many of us, there is a lovely man that we love, and then there is the addict.  As long as the addict is the one you are dealing with, you don't have access to that good man, however good a husband/friend/father he might be.  The addict will chew the man up, chew you up and chew your relationship up.  Get yourself well, with good trustworthy support.  If your husband won't do the same, then he is lost to the addiction and with the best will in the world, won't be able to access all that is true and good in himself.  Many of us ask ourselves the same questions every day.  You are not alone. x

 

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