The pain and pictures in my head

[Leanne]

Hi everyone 

 don’t really know how to start this but here goes. 
 

I’m 33 I have been with my husband for 15 years with a 2 year break 10 years ago.  We were together from been 18 so he’s all I’ve ever really known. 
 

When we got together I quickly fell pregnant with our daughter who Is now 13, within the time he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend which as you can imagine when 6 months pregnant was incredibly painful. 
 

when our daughter was 2 he left me and said he wasn’t ready for this full family life I wanted and that I was too controlling, liked the house too perfect and just didn’t want to live like a normal 23 year old. 
 

I was devastated and we slept together most weeks in the time we were separated. 18 months in I said I wanted to prove to him I’d changed and we could be ourselves as well as a family so went out of my way to book trips, hotels etc things he liked.

Whilst we were away he was asleep I got a call on his phone it was a girl who confesses she has been in a relationship with him for the last 2 years.

I told him I was done and it was over for the first time in my life. He then said I was everything he wanted and he would move home with me and our daughter and prove I was all he wanted.
He met the girl at work so he even quit his job changed his phone etc and we made a go of it.

fast forward we have had the best 8 years marrying 4 years ago. I trusted him again, we moved homes, followed our career paths, fantastic holidays etc. 
 

then the big blow comes for me 4 weeks ago when he comes home and confesses to sleeping with our cleaner who is a family friend for the past 4.5 years. She is 20 years older than me also. 

He says he didn’t want anything from her other than sex, dressing up etc and he was a sex addict.

this lady attended my wedding day, befriended my 13 year old, had her to sleep over, paid her debts when she was losing her house all the while they were sleeping together.

now he has started recovery 4 weeks ago I just can’t get the pictures out of my head as they are so clear him marrying me with her there, texting her on my wedding night, using my daughter to show him she was what he wanted it’s all so twisted.

i constantly question is he an addict or not or is he just a serial cheat? It’s driving me crazy and all I want is for someone to make me feel beautiful should I be craving that from someone or is that just going to make this worse? 
 

please help x

 

 

Edited March 12, 2021 by Firefly
Remove names

[Ginny]

Dear Leanne, thank you for sharing your story.  It is not an easy thing to do.   The discovery only happened 4 weeks ago, so at the moment you are still in shock and trying to get your head around all the lies and feelings of betrayal.  You have mentioned your husband is in recovery and I hope is getting support through an experienced sex addiction therapist and/or attending SLAA or SAA 12 step programme.  I am just wondering what support you are getting?  The Laurel Centre offer counselling for the partner as well as information through our blogs (special section for partners  - https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/categories/partners).  The first step is to get some support for yourself, and help you understand the very normal questions that are flying around your head at the moment.  It can feel incredibly lonely, so getting someone on your side is a step towards healing.  Take care Ginny