Partner Workshop?

[Jay123]

Has anyone had experience attending the Partner Workshop? If so was it helpful? What was your experience?  I feel like I need more specific support.

It's been 2 months since my world exploded due to my husbands addiction. His actions surfaced publicly due to a leak and as a result he lost his job. He let me down as well as so many others. He's since been diagnosed as a sex addict, attended therapy until the insurance lapsed from the job and is now working very hard in a 12 step program, attending 2 meetings a day most days and working with a sponsor and co-sponsor.  I truly believe he is remorseful and is committed to doing the work. I can already see him changing at a fundamental level but it is still so early on. We have separated and are living apart. At first we were marching towards divorce but I feel like I have new emotions every day. I want so badly to see the change on the other side and try to work on our marriage but it feels impossible due to the public nature. I feel so much judgement and shame from even entertaining the possibility of reconciling. I am so hurt by his actions but very heavily grieving the loss of our life, his presence, our future. I don't feel as strong today.  It feels like nothing will ever feel good or normal again. I have been attending therapy twice a week since this happened but my therapist is not a specialist in sex addiction and trauma and I often feel misunderstood or like she's telling me what I should do. This is covered by my insurance (I'm in the US) so I'm hesitant to seek services at additional cost. I want to heal, I feel so overwhelmed by all the change it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel today.  I know I need to be taking care of myself and I feel I've been very strong considering. I thought I had a plan of focusing on me, letting him attempt recovery on his own and seeing if we could work on the marriage on the other side. It seems so logical but I'm finding it extremely difficult to go through the process. I'm experiencing trauma from the public embarrassment, from the weight of his addiction and from the overwhelming change and disruption of my life. 

Thank you for reading and sharing your stories. It helps to not feel so alone. I'm just so heartbroken. 

[Ginny]

Dear Jay123,

thank you so much for sharing your story. I think a Partner Workshop may help you to meet other partners in a similar situation. I note however that you are in the US but highlight the following UK organization's to which there may be others nearer to home.

Concerned about the behaviour of another adult? - Stop It Now

StopSO Support for Families Online Group » StopSO UK

Both these organisations have online forums that you might find helpful in your situation.

Certainly, if your therapist is not trained in sex addiction or trauma, then I think an online workshop would be worth investing in, as you have received a trauma and the workshop can start to give you some tools to understand what is going on in your body and mind. In the first instance I draw your attention to our Blog for Partners which you may also find helpful.

The partner’s journey through sex addiction : Self-care (thelaurelcentre.co.uk)

Here are a few testimonies from previous attendees of partner workshops:

"I found many aspects of the day to be informative and enlightening because of the content and information. I thought the tutor’s approach and understanding of the subject was really helpful and I thought the way she listened and explained what was going on was compassionate and powerful."

"It is very valuable to meet other partners of addicts, to stem the isolation and share experiences"

"This course has helped enormously. I’ve found other people who understand me and who I am able to talk to. I’ve learnt to so much from Anita and the group. I feel I can progress and move forward. I feel less isolated."

Please know that there are a lot of members on this Forum who have had similar experiences as yourself and please know that your posts are valued.