Natalieb Posted April 22, 2020 Report Share Posted April 22, 2020 Hey all, I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. The first 2 Of those I suspected he was cheating many times and found numerous messages on his phone confirming this but I never had the guts to confront him, instead choosing to keep quiet and block it out from my mind. Eventually he caught me checking his phone and it all came out that he was a sex addict. He’d tried before to go along the counselling and rehab route but lost his former partner along the way as she couldn’t deal with it So he decided he would just stay single and live with addiction as it wasn’t hurting anyone that way, but then I came along and things changed. At first after I found out he went to a couple of counselling sessions but said he found them too hard to deal with and he’d rather go cold turkey and with help and support of me and his family would try to overcome it. Things seemed to be going great and he became this wonderful selfless person, moved in with me and my boys and made our home such a loving happy one. He said he believed a family and routine was all he had ever wanted and it was helping him not to keep thinking about sex. I was clearly very naive that sex addiction was as simple to cure as that because I’ve now found a second phone hidden in his car with msgs to lots of women some he tells he loves others it’s just sex talk but there’s certainly been plenty of meetings. The devastation of finding that was worse than anything before. It’s now going to effect my kids both our families not to mention my mental health again. This was 3 weeks ago and as of yet I’ve not told him I’ve found it. Instead living each day in turmoil over what he’s doing. I think partly the lockdown is making it worse because I don’t know how I could deal with it In isolation on my own with the boys. Is it normal for me to just keep quiet?? I keep wondering what’s wrong with me why can’t I confront him about it??does anyone else feel they want to shut themselves away like it’s not happening? They say ignorance is bliss and I for one wish I hadn’t gone looking to find something I’d have rather not known and carried on being happy and enjoying our life because I’m now left feeling a fool and completely heartbroken. If anyone is there who wants to reply that would be great because being the partner of a sex addict is a very lonely place as you can’t speak about it for fear of judgement. Thanks in advance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stillinlove Posted April 22, 2020 Report Share Posted April 22, 2020 Dear Natalieb! I am deeply sorry you have to go through this! And though I do not have an answer to your questions, I wanted to answer you, to let you know you are not alone! In my opinion you did nothing wrong in searching for the truth and it is not your fault it came to this. I hope you know that. Maybe you would want to seek professional help, on this site you find useful links for partners counseling as well. There is nothing wrong in seeking help right away. This hurt is deep and unfair, you should not have to go through this alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieb Posted April 22, 2020 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2020 Thank you for taking the time to reply. At this time especially I think I feel totally alone. At home all day with the kids whilst he’s still goes to work and carrying on his ‘meets’ is feeling like being trapped in a prison with nowhere to run too just for a few hours to keep me from thinking about it. I suppose that’s why I’ve come looking for a forum just to find someone to talk too. I think I certainly need some help to give me some strength to face this whatever the outcome might be. Thank you again ☺️ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefly Posted April 23, 2020 Report Share Posted April 23, 2020 When I relapsed during my recovery it affected my partner in a similar way. The feeling of betrayal, total loss of trust, etc. was much worse for her than the first disclosure of SA. You must focus on your needs and care. If you are able I would investigate the partners support and possibly the group discussions. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/support-for-partners Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted April 23, 2020 Report Share Posted April 23, 2020 Dear Natalieb, thank you for reaching out. You are not on your own and it is not unusual not to say anything initially. You have received a huge shock and your mind and body is trying to adjust to this new piece of information that has rocked your world. As Firefly has pointed out there is support for partners especially at this time of lockdown, so hopefully this might help you. There are quite a few blogs on our website especially for partners which you might find helpful. Take care of yourself Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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