Daffodils Posted March 10, 2020 Report Share Posted March 10, 2020 Four days ago, after being with my husband for 19 years I found out he was a sex addict. I read messages to a prostitute on his phone and challenged him - I believe he has partially disclosed some of what has been going on, but certainly not all of it. I am currently consumed with wanting to know more - not necessarily the intimate details but the why, how often, is it just sex workers or affairs and who else knows or is implicit. He has said he will get help and has been to our GP who recommended antidepressants and counselling - he’s been to his first session already and was recommended the book Sex Addiction: the partners perspective. I’ve now skim read this and it has mainly made me realise what a momentous problem this is and how much work that not only my husband has to do, but I have to do also to attempt to recover from this news that has destroyed my world. We have a newborn baby and I am exhausted. I know I can’t make any decisions now but I am struggling to cope. I don’t feel I can talk to any of my friends about this, certainly not at the moment. Any supportive words would be much appreciated. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted March 10, 2020 Report Share Posted March 10, 2020 Thank you for sharing your story. It is an enormous shock to find out that your husband has sexually compulsive behaviour. Firstly, you didn't cause the sex addiction, you can't control it and you can't cure it. He has to do the recovery work. What you have seen and heard is traumatic, this can effect your mind and your body. You may feel like you are going crazy. Taking care of yourself will help you get through the next few days, weeks and months. As you have a new born baby, probably the thought of reading a book seems overwhelming. I have linked some blogs which are only an A4 page long, which I hope will give you some advice and support. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/mind-body-and-soul-betrayal-part-1 https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/sex-addiction--a-guide-for-couples Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emum Posted March 11, 2020 Report Share Posted March 11, 2020 I don’t have any practical advice really but just wanted to say how sorry I am for your pain. I’m 6 months post discovery of my partner’s sex addiction now and my experience was that the first few weeks were overwhelming but in a strange way I also felt quite numb. The last few months we’ve fluctuated from short periods of normality and relative happiness to intense periods of sadness, grief and anger. What has helped has been that my partner admits he has a problem and has been attending therapy at the LC and SAA but we’ve still had significant ups and downs and setbacks. Even now, 6 months later, I’m not ready to make a decision as to whether to stay or to leave. We have been married for 27 years and have 3 children, one a young adult and two still dependent, so there is a lot to be considered. My best advice is to prioritise your own self care, get a sexual health check for peace of mind, form an understanding of your financial status and try to access some therapy or external support for yourself. And then give it time to sink in and to work out what you want to happen next. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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