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Exhausted and frightened


Sunflower
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Seven months ago I discovered my husband had a pornography and sex addiction. I discovered this via a message from a prostitute on his phone. We have been together for twenty years. Had an amazing marriage and sex life. He was my love story. I am totally devastated. He vows that he didn’t act out with this woman. But got a high out of messaging her. I do believe this. He has had an addiction to pornography before me and confessed to twice using prostitutes in the past. He is devastated and doing absolutely everything he can to recover. A ten month course and seeing a therapist. He is being totally accountable with everything. But I feel dreadful. I went from shock to anger, to an intense sense of grief and now I feel I’m becoming depressed. I’ve had panic attacks. Something I’ve never experienced before. He had agreed to therapeutic disclosure when the time is right. I’ve loved him for so long and he has always made me so happy. I’m so sad 😢

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Dear KMF,  thank you for sharing your story.  The feelings of shock, anger and depression are all signs of grief.  You have received a huge shock and in a sense mourning a relationship that you once trusted wholeheartedly.   You have spoken of your husband's recovery journey and the work he has been doing on himself   I am just wondering if you have sought therapy or any kind of support to help you recover too?   Having a trained sex addiction counsellor can really help the partner talk through their side of the story and the emotions they are dealing with.   The Laurel Centre can help with finding a therapist, they also offer one day workshops for partners which helps the partner not feel alone.  https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/partner-support-workshop.   We have also written a lot of blogs aimed at the partner - we wrote a 3 part series a few months ago - here is a link to the first one:  https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/mind-body-and-soul-betrayal-part-1.   I hope these can be of some comfort to you.   Kind Regards, Ginny

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