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Paul

Keeping on track

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I have used porn on and off for most of my adult life but things got worse a few years ago with internet porn and following an upset with my wife who has been tremendously supportive we both did some reading and I went through the kick start programme at home and stopped. However, now two years on I slipped back for a few weeks and this caused serious issues with our relationship. I think we can make things work but need some ideas on how best to keep on top of this without giving us constant painful reminders. It was really good not to have porn on my mind for the time I was off it. Stress and anxiety seem to be behind things and I don't know why I went for porn this time after so long managing without it. Again, I would welcome suggestions for long term "stay clean" strategies. 

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Hi Paul, thanks for your post.  The Kick Start programme has some very good suggestions on how to stop looking at porn.   I have included the link here, in case you don't have it anymore:

https://sexaddictionhelp.co.uk/

The Laurel Centre also now have a one day workshop aimed around the Kick Start Programme which might be of interest to you.    The next workshop is on 24th January in London.  https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/the-kick-start-workshop.   We are also starting a 8 week online course on porn addiction from next week, this will provide strategies to understand your relationship with porn.   There are still some spaces, so click here to find out more info:   https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/8-week-online-course-for-porn-addiction

Examine what was going on for you leading up to the recent slip/relapse.   There will have been triggers which prompted you to seek out the self soothing mechanism of looking at porn, and finding these triggers can help you put strategies in place to not to use porn.   Some people find talking helps (would suggest a sex addiction / porn addiction trained therapist), others go to a 12 step group to find ideas and support from other guys that know where you are coming from.   

Paula Hall's book "Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction" is also a good resource.   https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/sex-addiction-books

As well as this website:  https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/.

Hope that helps as a start.

Kind Regards,

Virginia

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Since my first post my wife and I have had a number of counselling sessions locally, with a counsellor who has experience with porn addiction and also couples therapy. This has been tremendously helpful to us both. We have been through several exercises separately and together to develop a further understanding of my addiction problem and our relationship and are currently closer than ever. Both of us being completely open was a hugely important step.

However, I still need to stay on track and have signed up for a kick start workshop later this week to gain a better understanding of my problems and, hopefully some more guidance for the future. I will post again with an update.

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Glad to hear that counselling sessions are going well and communication between you has improved. by being completely open with one another.  I hope you find the Kick Start Workshop helpful tomorrow.  I look forward to hearing what you thought of it.  

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