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Just found out my husband has been using prostitutes


Barb
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 A few months ago my husband of 13 years confessed that he had a porn addiction but finally confessed the night before last that he has been using prostitutes, too.  I can’t help but wonder what he’s going to tell me in another few months. 

 I am completely disgusted. My mother was a prostitute and I grew up around prostitution and the devastating effects that it has on women and children.  My own father denied me because he thought my biological father was a “John“ and I didn’t confirm that my biological father was for sure related to me until after he had passed.  My stepbrother grew up being told that his father was “some drug dealer“. 

 My husband had a choice to go to a 12 step meeting, go to a therapist, check himself into rehab, etc. But these girls didn’t have a choice because they are oppressed and basically enslaved.  Some of them were purchased through sex trafficking. Some of them experience violence. Sometimes prostitutes are forced to use heroin so that they can’t leave.  Most of them were abused as children and have Dissociative Identity Disorder, like I do, because of the trauma they endured. I am disgusted that these girls were “forced“ to have sex with my disgusting husband and I almost vomited when he told me. 

 He knows that I was sexually abused and sexually assaulted many times and it makes me want to vomit to think that he contributed to the abuse and oppression of women. The night he told me I had a nightmare that there was a serial killer in my bed because I’ve basically been “sleeping with the enemy.“

 I never in a million years thought that I would marry a man like this after what I had experienced the first 20-some years of my life but I guess I was unknowingly reenacting past traumatic relationships and I clearly never learned how to protect myself because I saw red flags but overlooked them. As a covert narcissist he was able to manipulate me because he appeared to be the complete opposite of the overt narcissist who abused me in the past.

 I developed fibromyalgia from being emotionally abused for the past 13 years and am now housebound and dependent on my husband;  I am also completely isolated because my family was abusive and I unknowingly chose narcissistic friends. 

 I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. 

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Dear Barb,

Thank you for sharing part of your painful story.   It is a huge shock to discover the person you trusted the most in the world has betrayed you.   You have experienced another trauma and can feel like your world has turned upside down and don't know what to do next.   I would suggest getting Paula Hall's book called "The Partner's Perspective" and also read up blogs specifically focussed for the partner.  https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog.   Finally, that many of the counsellors at the Laurel Centre can offer sessions via Skype (as you state you are housebound) if you want to seek help from counsellors who specialise in sex and porn addiction.

Take care of yourself.

Ginny

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Hello Barb,

my heart goes out to you. It is absolutely devastating.
My husband also abused dozens of young prostitutes,it's heartbreaking.

What helped me most is the Partners Course at Laurel Centre, and Therapy.

Is he willing to recover? Especially covert narcissist may only fake it, to keep you.

 

All the best!

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Ginny, 

 Thank you for replying to my post.  I think what I’m struggling with the most is that I feel that the bigger issue is actually the narcissism.  I have learned about the connection between sex addiction and Narcissistic Personality Disorder but I haven’t heard Paula mention the connection. Not to say that her book and centre can’t help me but I am just feeling torn. 

 I cannot currently Skype due to my disability but I will keep it in mind when my symptoms have decreased. Thanks for letting me know! 

 Thanks, again. 

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fem,  thank you for replying. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone; that’s why I love forums like this. 

 It’s been a few months since he told me that he had a “porn addiction“ but he still isn’t seeing a therapist so it makes me think that he is not going to change. For 13 years he has told me what I want to hear but never the truth. It’s so hard with narcissists/sociopaths because they manipulate you so much that you go insane. 

 Thanks for your support. 

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