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SimonUK

Internet Porn/Chat Addiction

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I'm so glad I've been able to find this site.  I now realise that I've been suffering from an increasing addiction to porn and internet chat for about 15 years.  I wonder if any other men feel, as I do, that my addiction is purely down to the invention of the internet  -  and not only that, an internet connection that is now fast enough to watch and share video/pictures very very easily.

Before I had broadband in my home I had a couple of porn mags in a cupboard which I looked at from time to time  -  and I masturbated regularly, like twice a day maybe, but this was mainly to my own "thoughts" and took next to no time.  And that's the point  -  the biggest problem for me is that my internet porn/chat addiction robs me of TIME  -  our most precious commodity.  My life and my success is slowly slipping away.

I am bisexual but mostly view straight porn and share this and chat with other straight/bi men online.  I think this problem is a huge pandemic problem which isn't even talked about in society.  I think that there a literally thousands and thousands of married men, like me, spending huge amounts of time online without their wives' knowledge.  Everybody talks about the danger of internet porn to children  -  but not to adults.  I think that this could eventually become a big story in the press  -  but not anytime soon and not before it has had a huge effect on society.

I don't yet know how I'm going to quit.  I'm struggling everyday.  I wish I could go back to childhood in a way, before I had any sexual desire at all  -  days seemed so long and I was able to focus in a single minded way on the things I wanted to do.  Maybe I need to stop using a computer except in public cafes? (I do need to correspond by email for work etc).  I think  that the computer is, for me, the key.

If anyone has any thoughts on this, I'd be very glad of advice.  

Simon

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Hi Simon,

Firstly it takes courage to post on a forum and say you are struggling with porn addiction.   We are finding lots of men and women who are struggling to stop looking at porn and feel it is an addiction.  As you say, porn is very easy to find, it is often free and limitless variety.  As Anon555 suggests, finding a 12 step programme near you, will help you realise you are not on your own.  There is SA, SAA and SLAA groups.   The Laurel Centre also offers a counselling service.  The counsellors can help you understand what your triggers are, find tools to help stop the behaviour and to support you in your recovery.    You can either ring them up, email or use the little pop up box in the corner of the website.  

Kind Regards,

Ginny

 

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Hiya, this is definitely a huge problem, my husband can’t maintain an erection as porn is the only thing that does it for him so as his wife I feel totally ugly. There is a good book on Amazon that is supposed to help people with porn addiction, it’s called something like Porn on the brain, or a similar title, I think I’m going to order it for my husband.  I’ll tell you now, it’s a destroyer, I don’t know if I can stay with my husband at the moment, I’m very confused, he’s not the person I believed he was...very strange as a year ago I thought we had the perfect happy loving relationship.....so yep, your problem is caused by easy access to porn and if you don’t stop it could ruin your life....there are success story’s though so don’t give up hope 🌸

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Hello Simon. I am new to this site. I am currently reading Paula Hall's Understanding and Treating Sex and Pornography Addiction and I endorse it fully. I can relate to so many things that you talk about in your post. Porn addiction has devastated my life. It is a very long story. Suffice to say for now that when I was a child in primary school two older boys on my street on two separate occasions made me touch their penis's. I was somewhere between 7 and 9 years old; it was in the late 1970's. I began masturbating myself around age 10 or 11 and I never stopped. I was a shy boy who had no ability to connect with girls other than as a friend, all the while sexually acting out with them in my mind. I grew up and by the time I was 30 (2000) I experienced for the first time access to the internet. I went crazy and could not control myself at all. In secrecy and silence I watched pornographic sex and masturbated. I have felt suicidal in my recovery process, enveloped in shame and squirmed in horror; I have palpably felt that I do not want to be in my body and my mind longs to return to a place of innocence, back before those two boys made me touch them. My partner has been incredible in her patience and understanding of my inner world....an inner world that has only been gradually revealed because my problem grew so severe that I got caught by my partner engaging online with someone we both knew in 2017. My world fell down around me. That is another story. I want to say to you that pornography distorted and destroyed any hope for me ever having a normal relationship with sex. Pornography truly is the 'crack cocaine' of sex and I would like to extend a hand of support and friendship to you. I have not looked at pornographic material or masturbated myself for just over a year now....a feat that I had never achieved in the past; I was acting out twice a day (minimum) for forty years. Today I feel ashamed and sad that my whole life up this point had wasted on pornography and masturbation. 

kindest

David

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I know this an old thread but thought I’d reignite it. I practically grew up and learned everything I know about sex from porn. Within the last few years it changed into chat sites too and that where my relationship started to fail. My wife felt rejected by my lack of interest in her sexually, ive now learned the impact porn has had me. You brain on porn explains it really well! P.I.E.D is a horrible thing for both partners it I’ve been off it now for 110 days and things are returning to normal . I know longer have to fantasise about porn to perform. It takes time but the brain can heal itself. And with effort the relationships too can heal. 

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Dear Axe20, thank you so much for sharing and well done in getting to 110 days (on 30th Jan).   I hope your post will encourage others in their healing journey.   Take care Ginny

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