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My heads a mess


kezza
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My partner finally admitted after I found a load of evidence of him contacting massage parlours that he is a sex addict with a preference for sex workers. He only admitted it when I said that I would only stay with him if he took a lie detector test.  

After a lot of shouting, crying and every emotion possibly I have decided to stick with him we have 15 week old twin boys which is part of my decision but it hurts do bad. Some days I'm happy smiling other days I just want to end it all.  2 days ago he was at a job interview and I was sure he was lying and found myself driving to the massage parlour he has a preference for looking for his car and also wanting to see these girls. My head is all over the place I'm in tears writing this please tell me it gets easier.

Also we still decided on the lie detector test as I needed to know things. We agreed to go together after our family holiday in March he then went and booked the test without me knowing and only told me about it when he'd past so he's still lying.  We are starting couple counselling tomorrow but I'm not sure I'm strong enough for this.

 
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Hi Kezza,

My heart goes out to you. I found out about my husband’s sex addiction about 18months ago. I too went through all the emotions you are describing, it truly was the most awful time of my life.  

It is really tough but things can get better, if your partner is committed to recovering. 18 months on, me and my husband have a more stronger relationship than ever.

Even now I have bad days, if the memories are somehow triggered, for example even if I go past a massage parlour. That’s why I still visit this board, to find out how others are doing. 

I hope this helps somewhat. 

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  • 2 months later...

Hi kezza so sorry your going through this awful stuff.  It gets easier because for me anyway I've learned not to depend on him or anyone I'm ok with depending on me now , since I found out 8 months ago hes done therapy with sex therapist which by the way is vital or recovery wont work you actually need a trained qualified psychosexual therapist or you will waste much time and money.  I struggle a lot with jealousy not feeling good enough at times but no where like as bad as it was initially its changed me but I've also found things for myself I do pole and Aerial arts now I'm stronger and fitter than I've ever been in my life its helped my confidence I actually like my body now which disgusted me only a few months ago I could only see the negative and to be honest I wasnt bad before I've always stayed slim after kids and exercise  But it helps my mind and my health. I still struggle not knowing things and I think I'll always wonder if I know everything I still feel sick about his attraction to teenage girls porn dating sites all the lies and secrets  but with professional help for him and get your own  psychosexual therapist you will start to feel stronger and more able to make an informed choice on if you should stay or go depending on his willingness to change. My husband has changed or seems to have but I still really struggle with trust because it's the 22 years of deception that is the worst and I do wonder if I know him and wonder if I will ever truly forgive and forget. Just take it one day at a time and do something just for you be it a reading club or whatever interest you have find something for you. Hope things improve let us know how you get on.

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