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My heads a mess

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My partner finally admitted after I found a load of evidence of him contacting massage parlours that he is a sex addict with a preference for sex workers. He only admitted it when I said that I would only stay with him if he took a lie detector test.  

After a lot of shouting, crying and every emotion possibly I have decided to stick with him we have 15 week old twin boys which is part of my decision but it hurts do bad. Some days I'm happy smiling other days I just want to end it all.  2 days ago he was at a job interview and I was sure he was lying and found myself driving to the massage parlour he has a preference for looking for his car and also wanting to see these girls. My head is all over the place I'm in tears writing this please tell me it gets easier.

Also we still decided on the lie detector test as I needed to know things. We agreed to go together after our family holiday in March he then went and booked the test without me knowing and only told me about it when he'd past so he's still lying.  We are starting couple counselling tomorrow but I'm not sure I'm strong enough for this.

Edited by kezza
Forgot some details

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