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Distraught81

Husband addicted to cstfishing

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My husband, for the last 2 years has been addicted to hook up sites (fabswingers, POF, Tinder). I initially went on fab with him, just go try and stop the lies, but it didn't work. He created numerous accounts and started messaging me. He also bullied me in to meeting another man for sex, which I had to film for him. He then started sexting this man, pretending to me a woman. He eventually admitted he had a problem and went to the doc. The referral has taken months and months. I have recently found out that he has been sexting my 17 year old son (who is his stepson) pretending to be a female. There has been initiate pictures of my son been sent. My husband has joined sex addicts anonymous and has attended 2 meetings so far. I want to call the police and report him, but I don't want my son embarrassed. My husband disgusts me, like proper makes my skin crawl. He said that it wasn't a sexual thing towards my son, it just got out of hand. We have a 7 year old daughter together. I'm absolutely lost as to what to do. I have asked for a divorce obviously, but I don't know what to tell people. 

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Your husband clearly has a problem (or problems) that have made your life a living hell and you shouldn't have to stand for it. If you want a divorce, don't ask for it. Demand it. Get it done.

I won't get into my entire story, but I did a fair amount of catfishing back in the day, but this brings it to another level. He's pimping you out and forcing you to film in. That could be considered a criminal act depending how he coerced you. At the least it's mental cruelty.

This is just me, I but after seeing what he's done with your stepson, it's just another step before he's messing with your daughter. He's clearly and unwell man and for the sake of the children, and you, this is not somebody who should be in your life when they are this sick.

I do have pity for your husband. He is very ill and needs some serious long-term help and while you can nudge him in the direction, it's on him to get himself well and it's on you to make sure your kids and you are safe.

Don't call the cops...it feels like the right thing to do in the moment, but it will embarrass your son and put your husband through a series of situations that you may not fully understand. I would not do this without speaking to your son first, and I'm still not sure it's the right thing to do.

Who cares what you tell people? Tell them:

"We've grown apart"

"He made some decisions I don't agree with"

"It's run it's course"

"We fell out of love"

It doesn't matter what people think about your divorce. It's a lot easier to tell them about your divorce than about the stuff he's been doing. For your sake and the kids' you've got to get moving on this.

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Hi Distraught81! and members...

Well this seems to be a really hard thing for anyone to go thru it, so first of all I wish you are fine and remember that your children needs you a lot right now, also you need take care of you so not to loose the control.

For security reasons I will recommend that ask your husband to move to other place, he could become anger and agressive so you or your children could be in any kind of risk, so ask for professional help in order to know how to proceed, and you have to be fastest as you can to protect yourself and your children. 

About your divorce it is not important what anyone else thinks about it... The more dangerous emotions related to sex addiction are shame and fear, so you have to move far away of them.

Maybe you can call to any official phone service to ask for phiscological assistance over the phone, trust your gut, it will never fail...

Do whatever you do, remember: This is not about yourself, this is his struggle and sometimes you have to move away and let him to resolve it alone.

We are here to support you so write whatever you feel, break your fear, break your silence, break your shame and take your life back.

A great hug for you!

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It seems that you must put some distance between yourself (and children) and this man for safety's sake and a divorce is clearly a sensible option as the other posters here have said.  I agree with Josh that involving the police is a huge step and you need to be sure that there is no other option to get the outcomes you want; especially the safety of  your daughter.

But I would just add this; few are beyond redemption. Right now you need to feel safe and separation seems pretty much unavoidable, possibly for many years. But if your husband genuinely seeks change, there may come a time (years hence) when he can take some part in the life of you and your children; the man you loved, married and had a child with is still in there somewhere.   

That said, the well-being of yourself and children must come first and building a life without your husband seems to be your priority now. 

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