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Kate2018

Multiple cross addiction? Any hope?

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Hi everyone I hope you are all as well as can be. I just wondered if anyone has experienced a partner with multiple addiction is there any hope? My husband is a porn addict, he has been what I would believe is alcohol dependent where he's in such a state he needs help getting to bed being sick et. And ruined many events. This is happening again since he stopped porn and ogling in front of me or he says he has I'm not sure I believe him but that's my insecurity. He's also a gambling addict of 10 years and struggled with gaming addictions I found all this out in the last 2 months I just thought he was silly with drink before, but now I think he has a problem I mean he has not come home on many occasions of binge drinking over the years and god knows what else. He's really abusing the alcohol again recently and is blaming the choice of drink instead of admitting this is another escape. He's in therapy with a sex and addiction specialist I'm not sure how to get through. I'm I therapy but only once a fortnight and only done2 sessions which this far has been an overview and background info. Any advice would be much appreciated many thanks. 

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Kate

Thanks for posting on the forum, it is not usual for someone to have other dependence  or addictive behaviours and if he is in therapy then hopefully this will get picked up and looked at as part of the whole situation. Although you very much want to support your partner and focus on his needs, he is the only person who can do his own recovery journey, with the support of professionals and groups addressing addiction. He has to face his lifestyle of addiction, understand it and acknowledge the change  he needs to make, this change needs to be moving into a place of sobriety and on to real recovery. Not knowing whether he can do this must be very difficult for you, but for you what do you need to do right now for you. You cannot make him change, you cannot control his behaviour and it is not down to you. So what can you do to benefit you right now...........concentrate on looking after you, what do you need, who can support you, what can you focus on that will allow you to stay  calm. Have you got some activities you can do to focus yourself and your mind on other things as this process is going to take time. Maybe you should speak to the therapist you are working with and ask her if you can talk about what is affecting you at the moment, use this time to look at the current situation rather than your history in your next session.  

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Thanks  for your advice Christine your right I know I can't change him but I just wanted to know if anyone had this problem and worked through it. I've since read on another site it says it can be common to have another addiction but who knows,. I will leave him if he doesn't work on himself to change though I know this takes time but not sure how much I can give. I love him more than anything but I am now putting myself first and have loved him and lived with him like this for 22 years. I'm doing all I can for myself took a holiday alone i do fitness classes with friends again, I've joined a 12 step group this week as well as therapy I will speak to therapist re your advice otherwise not going to get anywhere. The thing is even if I leave I know I have to work on me because his behaviours intended or not have seriously damaged my self esteem confidence with everyone and trust issues the gaslighting is what's done it. thanks again x

Edited by Kate2018

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I was addicted to marihuana for 14 years,  to alcohol for some other years and to porn for almost 26 years (since I had ten) so I can tell you that multiple addictions are common, maybe not usual, but well some of we had been addicted wothout know about it... For me my life was normal as all my friends are addicted too, so 1 year ago I had told you that I was a happy normal person, so maybe your husband is someone like me, work in yourself, and let him work on himself, keep with him until you can, start talking with love, and try to understand where his addictions live so he can understand what is going on....  As Christine told you this is his live and he has to work on his therapy for himself first... Take care on you, and support him as much as you can, but don´t leave this that ruin your life as well, go a step by step, one day at a time, love for you and for him. You will win this fight! 

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Thanks tutu I know you are right he has things he needs to deal with and I need to better understand time will help I suppose. Many thanks to you and Christine so grateful I've found this site and everyone here is so supportive it's great I hope I can give back to others sometime. 

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