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Fool me once

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  1. This week I stumbled onto information which lead to my husband disclosing his infidelities. For years he has been addicted to porn and visiting prostitutes. I am angry, distraught and physically ill. A lot of the anger is at myself. You see, 20+ years ago I discovered my husband was using porn and phone sex lines. He claimed it was an addiction. He went to therapy and a 12 step group and when we moved he claimed he was cured. He explained it as an error of an immature mind. I bought it. We built a life filled with children, careers, community service and faith based activities. Many would say we are the perfect couple, pillars in our community. He used to say we are so connected we think with the same brain and heart. In one horrible moment all that we built has crumbled. He’s acting remorseful. Has seen a therapist. Tells me all that he will do to make amends but I am dead inside. The thought of telling everyone is beyond humiliating. I imagine people blaming me saying obviously I wasn’t there for him or I’m terrible in bed. We had an open, active, playful romantic life. Never any indication he wasn’t satisfied. True soul mates. What a fraud. I have had to put on a happy face all week because of the holidays. I haven’t had time to process everything. He’s begging me to stay. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice...It would be easier to stay and be quiet for the sake of our family and public life. Financially it would be easier for me. I just know I will never be able to erase the images swirling in my brain or trust him again I will miss the life we had planned. His therapist wants me to go to a session. I’m not the one who did this. . Our children are college age. We will be telling them this week. No one in our family or circle is divorced and definitely not dealing with this humiliation. Any advice on how you told your children , their reaction and how long it takes to move on would be appreciated.
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