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Worry_Wort last won the day on December 18 2020

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  1. Domino69, Thank you for taking the time to answer me. Every reply helps me know that I'm not alone and it really helps. I am sorry to hear about your situation - in particular having to deal with a suicide attempt also. It is hard not to think of what everyone else might think in this situation - I don't know about you, but I have to remind myself that my mental and physical health needs to take precedence at the moment. Although the amount I have eaten, drunk and not exercised at all over the past month is probably testament that I'm not practicing what I preach. Your last paragraph rings so many bells for me. I think I am prepared that what will be revealed will only get worse but I still feel I need a 'why'. Although I am sure this may take some time as I'm not sure that even they know why really at the moment. I have the cause/control/cure mantra written on post-its on my bedroom mirror so I can remind myself every morning and night. If I read it enough, I might believe it! Take care x
  2. Hi Tabs, I really appreciate you taking the time to do such a thorough and thoughtful reply. Your story has already helped me know that I'm not quite alone. At the moment, it does feel worse than death. That would at least release me to feel like the previous future I thought we had is definitely gone (and that is such a cruel thing to think). Instead I find myself asking will I ever get to the point where we have a chance again? I know it's too soon to even contemplate what that might mean and both have to heal whatever we need to ourselves as a priority. I am seeing at ATSAC therapist. I don't know if they are seeing a specialist therapist and I don't want to ask in case I'm leading them to a conclusion they need to find themselves. I do believe they carry trauma from what I know of their past, but whenever we talked about what had happened (quite little as I didn't want to pry), they always seemed well adjusted and resolved about it all. My friends are pretty horrified that I am considering any kind of joint future despite what they have done - and I understand that they just want to protect me from further harm. There is so much stigma around the fact it is sex addiction - I feel like there would be much more sympathy if it was alcohol or drugs or gambling. I definitely find myself wishing it was. The intimate nature of it makes it so much more painful and personally damaging. Am I mad for not writing it off completely already? I feel like I am in the co-dependent trap, even an addict myself. Although I know they are hurting me beyond belief and potentially the relationships I have with those around me, I can't help but go back and interact. I'm sure the general public would think it was disgusting that I could still care for someone who could do that. But I really want to believe that, from the part of the person I knew, the behaviour has come from a place of deep deep pain. If I was angry and hateful it would make the decision so much easier. What I do know is nothing is going to go quickly. I need to try and learn to be patient with myself. :-/
  3. Thank you for the advice - it seems there are still parts of this website I've not explored yet. As far as myself/police know, there is nothing under 18 or not consensual - it was the posting of images taken that was the complaint. But who knows what might be discovered over the coming months...
  4. Hello everyone, I am very early on in to this process but I’m finding precious few people around me who I can talk to about this and who might understand my feelings. My partner is away with work for a number of months. I discovered their infidelities when the police arrived at my door with a search warrant for electronic devices and passwords/usernames for websites – as I came to discover once the shock had worn off, they had not only been using hook up apps but had also taken pictures and posted them on porn websites allegedly without knowledge of the people in them. Although they let me know about a number of them, there is obviously potential for more to be discovered. To say this was traumatic was a huge understatement – my entire life was blown apart that morning. There were absolutely no indicators to me that there was anything happening, especially since during lockdown we spent so much time together (although hindsight always stirs up moments of doubt). They were genuinely the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, and I find myself thinking rather than the hurt of betrayal it would have been emotionally easier if I found out they had died. I obviously now have limited contact with them and am unable to ask anything like details as there is an ongoing investigation into what is going on. They appear truly sorry for what has happened to me and explained it was nothing to do with our relationship – but all I could do was react with anger and despair, whilst privately hating myself for still loving this person I thought I knew. They have said they are seeking therapy sessions for themselves, and it is a long standing pattern of behaviour. My first session with a relationship counsellor opened my eyes to the possibility of sex addiction – and so much of what I have read so far in Paula’s book rings true. But I am stuck; because of the criminality element I don’t believe it would be appropriate to approach them with this as an idea in case it isn’t true and gives them an ‘out’ for the behaviour. Therefore, this is not something we can even think about addressing together and I don’t know when/if we ever could. I feel totally lost here – is this normal? Have people experienced worse? Not even being able to start exploring the truth is killing me. I feel awful for wishing that they had just slept with others and not taking it those steps further. I feel guilty thinking I am a victim too - there is nothing illegal they have done to me. The friends that I have told the full story to are extremely supportive of me but hesitant in me following this line of enquiry, thinking I’m trying to find an excuse to let them off the hook. But I don’t know how to find anyway through to the other side otherwise - for myself or any semblance of a relationship there is left Written in hope of a response x
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