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carol

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carol last won the day on November 16 2020

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  1. Snowflake, I feel what you feel. My husband prefers to say its the other person" in him who does this bad stuff. It isn't , its he same person but with fundamentally different moral values than you. For me the pain is accepting the person I married, loved and trusted is actually something I don't like. If you met him today on a first date and you knew his sexual preferences I doubt you would have built a life round him - that sort of person just isn't for you ? Divorcing the man I love/adore and thought I was happy with is the most painful thing. But I did tell my children and close friends and they have been wonderfully supportive. Not judgemental , kind and caring. Talk to me , I get it . it hurts like hell. My therapist describes the situation to me like this... he likes to drink poison, he knows its bad for him and bad for those who love him but he really really likes it and will always like it. You don't have to drink it with him or stand by and watch. research shows once a person has crossed the line into compulsive porn use and sex workers they never stay away from it. They relapse often and lie at the drop of a hat. If you believe you can live like that and the whole package is worth a lifetime of anxiety and distrust , that's an individual choice. For me I am optimistic I can make a life where this isn't something I live with. Only 1-3% of UK makes use prostitutes ... that means >97% don't , and 97% of women don't have this shit to deal with - I am joining there ranks .
  2. carol

    Help!

    Bean86 , I found out [ because I turned into a paranoid detective ] now week ago today my husband has been watching porn , web sex and joining swinging sites for over a year. He wasn't interested in me sexually for a long time and gave every excuse under the sun. It made me feel disgusted in my body and my appearance. His ex wife rang me and explained this had destroyed their marriage of 20 years and she divorced him when the children where really young as she caught him inviting couples round o the house to watch them having sex. I am traumatised and about to start therapy for PTSD. When I say I cried for 6 days solid , I literally did. And I haven't eaten a single meal for a week. But I KNOW in my mind I can't hurt myself like this anymore. I love him yes, but I have to think of my well being, and that of our three daughters who are in their 20's and need to feel safe with men when they come to have long term relationships. Its my duty to show them you can find good and honest partners who won't lie, cheat, expose you to behaviours that I find abhorrent. I am not a prude and if that what my husband wants he should find someone who has the same tastes as him. Pretending to me he is someone he isn't is cruel and selfish. I would never have given him a second look all those years ago had I known. this is the hardest things I have ver done in my life but have to move forward and build a new life without this distress and heartache in it. take care all , please message me if you want to talk cx
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