Snowflake, I feel what you feel. My husband prefers to say its the other person" in him who does this bad stuff. It isn't , its he same person but with fundamentally different moral values than you. For me the pain is accepting the person I married, loved and trusted is actually something I don't like. If you met him today on a first date and you knew his sexual preferences I doubt you would have built a life round him - that sort of person just isn't for you ? Divorcing the man I love/adore and thought I was happy with is the most painful thing. But I did tell my children and close friends and they have been wonderfully supportive. Not judgemental , kind and caring. Talk to me , I get it . it hurts like hell. My therapist describes the situation to me like this... he likes to drink poison, he knows its bad for him and bad for those who love him but he really really likes it and will always like it. You don't have to drink it with him or stand by and watch. research shows once a person has crossed the line into compulsive porn use and sex workers they never stay away from it. They relapse often and lie at the drop of a hat. If you believe you can live like that and the whole package is worth a lifetime of anxiety and distrust , that's an individual choice. For me I am optimistic I can make a life where this isn't something I live with. Only 1-3% of UK makes use prostitutes ... that means >97% don't , and 97% of women don't have this shit to deal with - I am joining there ranks .