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Firefly

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  1. So sorry to read your latest post. It is very traumatic for you, especially with lockdown due to COVID 19! I know you have read everything but it does not take away the pain. I repost the following blog for you and others in your situation, knowing that it is a very difficult decision: - https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction--do-i-stay-or-do-i-go I hope others will share. Look after yourself.
  2. Hi. Everyone is different so there is no one solution. The important thing is as you say in your post, to keep looking after yourself. If you have not already read it this blog is very helpful:- https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction Your husband may well be in denial, and shame; and SA is very good at cognitive distortion and minimising things. A good online test to determine SA is here:- https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/am-i-a-sex-addict I hope that helps and I am sure that many others will / have shared their experience.
  3. Hi Dews. Welcome to the Forum. You are not alone and I would like to bring to your attention the following post as it may also be helpful to read about others experiences:- Is your partner getting help for his SA at this difficult time? Take care and look after yourself.
  4. Indeed Kaykay the current “lockdown” is adding another layer of stress. It’s like an imposed “lockup” which is outside your control, so it’s understandable really. Sunflower has made some really good points to consider and can I point you to the Partner Support section further down the bottom of this page: - https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/starting-soon Maybe you could have another audio call or Zoom with your therapist lady to help you. Look after yourself.
  5. Thanks Sunflower for your post. I found a very helpful post by Cat in “Success Stories” which resonates.
  6. Hi Cat, A great journey of success. Thank you for sharing and I know it has helped others. I am interested in disclosure and the comments you make which are very valid to the debate. See below: Thanks and hope you are doing well.
  7. Hi Tina, I keep coming back to this paragraph. For many years I had a second life (fantasy world) and did not think it impacted on “real life”! It took me a long time to realise that my second life DID impact on real life and was a cognitive distortion on my part. The impact on partners is the same whether it is a second life or real life... I hope that helps.
  8. Tina, So very sorry to hear your pain which is shared by so many partners of addicts as you will see reading other partners posts. The blogs shown below are a good place to start and I am sure you will get support from being on the forum as well. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction Take care.
  9. I think this is a very good summary of what is going on and I also would like to hear other addicts perspectives please.
  10. I wish I could be Harry Potter, but as you say there is no magic wand 😳. I know from other posts that you do focus on the positives and looking forward, and can only urge you to continue to do this for your own sanity; as looking back obsessively will keep you in the past. You might like to think about the act as a transaction to get a fix as I am sure that is all it was.
  11. When I relapsed during my recovery it affected my partner in a similar way. The feeling of betrayal, total loss of trust, etc. was much worse for her than the first disclosure of SA. You must focus on your needs and care. If you are able I would investigate the partners support and possibly the group discussions. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/support-for-partners
  12. Dear Pam, I am sorry to hear your pain. I noted you have read Paula’s books, but you might find the following blog helpful also. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction
  13. There is light at the end of the tunnel and it’s not a train. It is a difficult road but you need to learn strategies to prevent relapse. There is a lot of support available from books, course and group work. Paula Hall has written a book called “Understanding and treating sex addiction “ Also during COVID 19 this might be useful:- https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/8-week-online-course-for-porn-addiction I hope that you find something that works and helps you.
  14. In hindsight I wish I had been able to disclose the full extent of my SA early on. There were several opportunities to do so but I was racked with guilt and fear, and only focused on what had been discovered. It seems to be a common trend but leads to prolonged agony for loved ones. If I had my time again I would open up as soon as I realised I was a SA, knowing now that I would be able to get the right support. Has anyone got any further thoughts, advice or learning points?
  15. I am so sorry to hear about the drip feed of disclosure. I am glad to see that you are able to get therapy. Each disclosure repeats the loss and restarts the bereavement curve! I am going to start a thread call “Full disclosure - learning points” In my case I was like the drunk 🥴 having the whisky bottle taken away! Over 20 years I had built a hidden second life that I used to self soothe not realising the damage. Wishing you both all the very best on this Easter morning.
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