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Firefly

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  1. Reading the above treads I wanted to say again that it's definitely OK whatever you decide to do. There is no right or wrong answers in respect to "Should I stay or should I go" The following blog gives some very good points to consider as its not always black and white. The partner’s journey through sex addiction : Do I stay, or do I go? (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) I unfortunately I was one of the 850,000 plus men in the UK who made use of prostitutes! The journey to recovery has not been easy but my partner decided that there are far more positives in our relationship which she did not want to lose. There are other success stories. Partner Testimony : part 1 (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) Wishing everyone well at this time. Keep safe.
  2. Hi Jo Jo. Welcome to the Forum and very sorry to hear your story. As you will see from other posts your experience is very similar but of course that does not take away your hideous experience and associated feelings. If you have not already seen the blogs have a look at this one. The partner’s journey through sex addiction (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) I hope others might be able to share their own experiences, but firstly look after yourself and don't make any quick decisions. So sorry to hear that your husband is struggling with HIS addiction. He has to OWN this himself and you cannot fix it for him, however I point to the following blog which may be of help. Want to beat your sex addiction? Don’t walk alone (thelaurelcentre.co.uk)
  3. Hi Fool me once. Welcome to the Forum and very sorry to hear your story. As you will see from other posts your experience is very similar but of course that does not take away any of the anger, being distraught and being physically ill. If you have not already seen the blogs have a look at this one. The partner’s journey through sex addiction (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) I don't have any experience of telling children but from my own experience as a child I would have preferred that my parents problems had been shared with me, not sugar coated and with honesty. I unfortunately was left feeling that my parents problems had something to do with me!! I hope others might be able to share their own experiences, but firstly look after yourself and don't make any quick decisions. Take care.
  4. Dear Potter, Thank you for your post and I am so pleased that your daughter was able to get the rehab / therapy and now has strategies in place to keep herself clean. A worrying time for you. You don't say if your husband has had therapy for his sex addiction and I guess not! It is not a surprise then that you are feeling hurt, alone and totally lost. Although you may have read Paula's book and discussed the cycles of addiction, etc. I draw your attention to the Blog for Partners which if you have not seen you may find helpful at this time. The partner’s journey through sex addiction : Self-care (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) I draw you attention to an extract "..... you didn’t cause the sex addiction, you can’t control the sex addiction and you can’t cure the sex addiction. Only your addicted partner can stop their sex addiction or porn addiction. This is not your fault" I hope you will find support here for you and encouragement from others who have been through similar experiences. Take care of yourself. Firefly
  5. Hi Worry Wort and welcome to the Forum. Thank you so much for sharing your story and so very sorry to hear your pain. Yes it would have been very traumatic. Your reactions are all normal and even continue to love the part of the partner you know. It is also normal to feel totally lost. I understand that you are reading or have read Paula's book; and in case you have not seen it I draw your attention to the Blog for Partners which you may also find helpful. The partner’s journey through sex addiction : Self-care (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) It is very early days but its important to look after yourself. In relation to the criminal elements I am not sure if the images posted are over 18 or not. I am sure you will find support here for you and encouragement from others who have been through similar experiences. Firefly
  6. Dear LostAtSea, The impact of a partners addiction (whether it is Sex addiction or Coke) is a rollercoaster ride of emotions and its important that you continue to keep yourself safe. His addiction is not something that you can control and often partners will be blamed as a way for the addict to justify their actions. I feel your emotions in what you have written but I can't see what you have done to enable his continued addiction and certainly you should not feel guilty. The hospital should have his relatives next of kin details and it's not your responsibility to tell anyone. The only thing I might consider doing if you are in contact with his family / mum is check if they know your ex partner is in hospital and pass on the hospital contact details. Certainly I would not pass on any information regarding his addiction, illness, etc. as the hospital will do all that. I do hope that is of help. Continue to look after yourself.
  7. Reading the above treads I wanted to say that it's OK whatever you decide to do. There is no right or wrong answers in respect to "Should I stay or should I go" The following blog gives some very good points to consider. The partner’s journey through sex addiction : Do I stay, or do I go? (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) I unfortunately I was one of the 3% mentioned in the last post above; which translates into over 850,000 plus men who make use of prostitutes. The journey to recovery has not been easy but my partner has decided that there are far more positives in the relationship which she did not want to lose. There are success stories. Partner Testimony : part 1 (thelaurelcentre.co.uk) Wishing everyone well at this time. Keep safe.
  8. Hi Tired. Thank you for your post and so very sorry to hear the pain you are going through. I am glad that there have been some good times to hold onto but it does not take away the pain of the rollercoaster 🎢 journey you are on. Take good care. Firefly
  9. Hi Tabs. Thanks for your kind words. At this moment, although it has been 15 months, I think your husband may still be in shock, so I can believe that he has focused all his attention on work. I am glad he is getting therapy and hope that will address the painful memories, cognitive distortions that led to his self soothing acting out. I hope you are still getting some comfort from this Forum at this very difficult time for you. Best wishes, Graham
  10. Meeting up. Clearly as a Forum member you can use the private mail function within the Forum, but this is not recommended by the Laurel Centre. i.e. Do NOT give out personal details. If you do decide to meet self-care is especially important. Set up the first meeting in a public place (which will of course be after Covid Lockdowns) and then decide what information you wish to share. Administration would however suggest you do a Partner Workshop (or equivalent) together, and that will help with managing contacts, give additional support and allow you to keep in touch afterwards. The Laurel Centre offers the following workshop. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/online-partner-workshop We hope this information helps you.
  11. I was more prepared for the first lockdown, but this time it’s hit me like a train. It is all so depressing not helped with the US elections! Speaking to others I have found they are feeling depressed too and as we know as PA and SA we are more easily triggered at this time. I felt no one cares about me! I’m a Sex Addict! So for over a year since a slip and many years since relapse I was starting to think about it!!! Luckily I remembered that I am loved by my partner, friends, people on this forum who would be very sad if had slipped. So I read again “Trick or Treat” https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/is-your-brain-tricking-you-into-having-a-treat The reason for writing is to flag up what Covid is doing in our lives at this time, watch out and stay safe. Firefly
  12. If you wish to contact the Laurel Centre please see the following link. The email address is info@thelaurelcentre.co.uk and please include in your enquiry "low cost counselling" https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/contact-us Best wishes, Firefly
  13. Dear Freddiebear, I am so very sorry that you have had a tough weekend again. I re-read your other posts this morning and realise that you and your husband did take the online test, so I am very sorry to have asked you that question again. In my experience looking at images can be the same as looking at pictures in an art gallery. Looking at a bit of porn does not mean you are a SA and with a score of 16 this does appear to be the case. However spending lots of time, at the expense of other activities and keeping it secret is very unhelpful and now that it has been discovered will mean that your husband has to rebuild trust with you. I am sad that he does not appear to understand the pain he has caused. It seems from the threads as if things improved but then this last weekend came to a head again. It is possible that him smashing the iPad was to demonstrate he would not surf again, rather than hide his past. I have been known to get rid of equipment in an attempt to stop my habit. Not sure I can be of much help.
  14. Hi Domino69, I feel the continued pain, despair and wanting it all to stop. The decision to leave is always very difficult. I am sure you have already seen and read the following but it may help others who find themselves at this turning point in there journey. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction--do-i-stay-or-do-i-go I wish you well in whatever you decide to do. Take care.
  15. Welcome to the Forum. I am sorry to hear your pain and the disclosure will have as you say ripped your heart out. If you have not already read it this blog is very helpful:- https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction Your husband may well be in denial and deflection. A Porn Addict is very good at cognitive distortion and minimising things. A good online test to determine PA is here:- https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/am-i-a-sex-addict I hope that helps and I am sure that there are many others with similar experiences. Take care.
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