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Kaykay

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Kaykay last won the day on December 22 2021

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  1. I've been there. With the rage. It did subside. I hope it has or does for you too. I wish there were groups for partners too. I'd love to meet up with others. It's so lonely. I'd been dealing with behaviour from my husband for our entire relationship. But didn't know it was addiction until last January and the full extent of it until this march. It's broken me. Ive not been on here in a while, I hope you're doing better now. Sending love
  2. I'm so so so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. I'm a life coach. It's hard not to feel like a fraud when you're helping people move forward when your own life is falling apart....through no fault of your own. The flashbacks can take time. I don't get them as much. But then I'll have days where they're full on. What you've seen is horrific, do it's not a shock you're struggling with these images. I'm looking I to EMDR. It's meant to be brilliant. Maybe try that. Once again, big love. Sending so much support ❤️
  3. We're 7 months into recovery. There has been historical physical cheating that came out in April. And online cheating plus porn etc over the whole relationship. He's been in therapy almost 2 months. He's doing 12 steps. He's definitely learning and growing. I'm trying to learn who he is. So many lies mean I need clarity. He said he likes women size 12 and upwards to size 22/24. It's more about their shape. That his preference is bigger women like myself, that are really Curvy. Just as long as they arent shapeless. He has a long history of telling me what I want to hear so I don't know if this is true. It does FEEL like he's massively attracted to me. He's very tactile, loving etc. But basically anyone is potentially attractive . Anyone will do for my husband. Any size, race, height etc no type, really. This makes me desperately insecure. I have to be on alert for all women. I think even if I hadn't felt insecure our entire relationship due to the addiction (we didn't know it was addiction until last year) I'd still feel a bit strange about it. Anyone have any experience of this or similar.
  4. Honestly, I'd cut ties immediately. But I know it's not that easy. I'm with someone who is finally doing the work and after 4 years of being together the truth is out and he's definitely in recovery. We married 6 months before the biggest disclosure, had a 4 month old baby and he's step dad to my other 2. If he wasn't, I'd have been gone. Noone is worth this pain. Do some work and figure out what is best for YOU. Sending hugs xx
  5. Look after you. Your husband will have work to do before he can work on the relationship. Please think of yourself and your daughter xx
  6. Hi. Lots of us have been in the headspace you're in right now. Most important is to take care of yourself. The trauma you're currently going through is immense and you need to take time, be kind to yourself and get support where you can. Xxxx
  7. Thank you @Tabs it's nice, but horrible to have people that understand. This addiction permeates every part of our lives. Sending love x
  8. @Ann Hedoniathanks for your response. I'm still trying to rationalise that it isn't about me. But as far as I can get is that I know I'm enough, but he didn't see me as enough. I'm the love of his life. Even though this preceeded me, why didn't he get those feelings of being wanted, needed, desired and powerful from me? Since disclosure our sex life has better in some ways, worse in others. But now, I dont want to have sex with him at all. I checked online and some of what he was doing could be considered illegal. But there are grey areas around it. I once again, feel like I don't know this man. Last week he disclosed how he used to view and look at women in the street. He's just so pathetic.
  9. My husband just disclosed the type of porn he was watching. Its extreme and I'm absolutely disgusted. I didn't ask for it, I asked him if he wanted to take the stuff he watched into real life with me and he told me he would not want to do x, y or z with me I'm absolutely mortified. It's not normal, it's extreme and I feel sick. I'm almost 5 months from the latest and biggest exposure. When does it end? How can I get past this. He chose to go and watch that rather than have sex with his wife. Its another blow to my confidence.
  10. Hi hec I don't think it's unreasonable for you to ask him to work on the relationship. But it seems like he needs to still work on himself too. Has he said why he won't do the work? I know my partner finds facing what he's done incredibly difficult Kay
  11. Hi long suffering I'm not at this point yet and haven't dealt with this. It sounds as though he has some work to do still? To learn that real life is better than that fantasy he is escaping to. Or maybe therapy for you together? Xx
  12. I'm 3 months post latest discovery. I believe there should be minimal privacy. That right was lost when he abused it. I need to know you're working on growing, changing, developing or I'm out. After all that's been done to me, I believe I fully deserve that. It takes time, but it's now a non negotiable. There are some things that are his, but most of his 'stuff' I expect to be shared. We are now doing a weekly catch up, I mostly share a d ask questions, he mostly listens because he is shit at communicating without my prompting. I don't think he fully understands himself or the addiction yet, but we still talk. You need something. It's not fair to be kept in the dark x
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