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Ginny

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  1. I have not heard of this specific website. I will ask the other Associates Counsellors at the Laurel Centre if they have. From what I have just read from the website, it sounds like she did have a very negative experience of therapy. It is sad that the experiences listed in the website are negative and that the sex addict is unable to change. I am currently editing to testimonies from partners who say otherwise. They have written about their own painful journeys of discovery but also how the relationship has healed. These stories will be published at the end of April, to finish off our partner blog series. The next blog will actually focus on partners rebuilding their life on their own - as some relationships don't always repair and the right decision is to leave. Hope you are well too in this Coronavirus lockdown.
  2. Thank you both for sharing your stories. A lot of couples do carry on with their sex life following the discovery of sex addiction in the relationship. Sex can be a way of reconnecting with one another. There are also couples that decide not to have sex for a while and create some form of physical boundary, such as sleeping in separate bedrooms. Each couple is different. The partner can also fear that if they don't have sex with their partner, then the sex addiction will return. Firstly, you didn't cause the addiction, you can't control the addiction and you can't cure the addiction. Oddly, sex addiction has nothing to do with sex! The addiction is being used to cope with life in an unhealthy way. There is quite a good blog on the topic of sexual intimacy : https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/sex-addiction--a-guide-for-couples--rebuilding-intimacy-part-2. All the best Ginny
  3. I am so sorry to hear of the pain you are going through. Extremely painful. All the reactions and feelings you have described are normal reactions to receiving a shock. You are traumatised. The relapse is not your fault. Your husband is responsible for maintaining his recovery. I expect if he looks back he will be able to track back to why he has relapsed. However, this does not stop the pain for you. You mention that you went to therapy previously. Is it possible to go back to that therapist to talk things through? Are they are trained sex addiction therapist?
  4. Ginny

    Mrs

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is an enormous shock to find out that your husband has sexually compulsive behaviour. Firstly, you didn't cause the sex addiction, you can't control it and you can't cure it. He has to do the recovery work. What you have seen and heard is traumatic, this can effect your mind and your body. You may feel like you are going crazy. Taking care of yourself will help you get through the next few days, weeks and months. As you have a new born baby, probably the thought of reading a book seems overwhelming. I have linked some blogs which are only an A4 page long, which I hope will give you some advice and support. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/mind-body-and-soul-betrayal-part-1 https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/sex-addiction--a-guide-for-couples
  5. Thank you for sharing part of your story. It sounds like you are confused if you should be in a sexual relationship with your separated partner? Sex should be mutually consensual. Some couples decide to refrain from sex while the addicted partner is working on their recovery while other couples decide to carry on having sex. As you have separated, then it may be a conversation to have about setting clear boundaries of what you need in this time of separation. We have several blog series written for the partner as well as the couple. I have linked them below which might help you think through what you need. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/mind-body-and-soul-betrayal-part-1 https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/sex-addiction--a-guide-for-couples
  6. It is really hard. You cannot make your partner go to therapy, but you can discuss with him what you would like to see as 'evidence of recovery' for you to stay in the relationship. This is not emotional blackmail. It is clearly putting in boundaries that you need to feel safe. The Laurel Centre is running a blog series for the partner at the moment. Last week's blog focussed on creating boundaries for yourself. It might help you as you wait for him to go to therapy. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction--rebuilding-your-life. Paula's book for the partner also gives lots of information.
  7. Another avenue for support is StopSo. They offer support to the family members - who often get forgotten by the police. https://stopso.org.uk/family-member/ I agree with KayKay, the one day workshop for partners will be another place to get support.
  8. There is also a blog running at the moment written specifically for partners. Might be worth reading. Here is the link: https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/the-partners-journey-through-sex-addiction--rebuilding-your-life
  9. Dear Emum, Thank you for sharing your story. What a tough decision to make. Do you have any support yourself to talk through the decision to stay or to leave? Paula has written a few blogs on this specific question. I have linked them here, so you can have a read. Hopefully they might help you to decide what your next step could be. Take care Virginia https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/my-partner-is-a-sex-addict--should-i-stay-or-should-i-go https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/blog/sex-addiction--a-guide-for-couples--do-i-stay-or-leave
  10. Dear KMF, I echo KayKay sentiments. What you have experienced is extremely difficult and painful. A pain that you can't put into words. I hope that the therapy you are having can support you through this latest painful disclosure and help you decide what to do next. Ginny
  11. Thank you for sharing more of your story. I am glad that his need for sex has lessened. If he was using sex to emotionally self-soothe, then it is a big pressure on you to constantly be available to help him to self soothe from whatever emotion he needed to deal with at that moment. Part of counselling is about gaining more self awareness, and hopefully over time with the therapist he can see his childhood was an abusive one and how that has impacted him and his relationships. I hope the link helps you clarify in your mind if the relationship is worth more of your time and energy. All the best.
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    This one-day workshop is suitable for anyone struggling with damaging sexual behaviours who wants a quick solution to understanding their problem and knowing how to overcome it. The day provides all the information and tools required to confirm that you do have sex or porn addiction and understand the problem from a biological as well as a psychological perspective. The six-phase cycle of addiction will be introduced along with strategies for how to stop it. The stages of recovery will be fully explained and tools provided to begin a recovery plan. By the end of the day you will be able to:- Confirm if you're addicted to sex or porn Understand addiction from biological and psychological perspective Explore your own individual cycle of addiction Identify possible root causes of your addiction Appreciate what full recovery means and how it’s achieved Establish a recovery path and plan Groups are completely confidential and anonymous and only first names will be used. Group size is limited to a maximum of 8 same-sex attendees and refreshments are provided, but not lunch. The day runs from 9.30 to 4.00 pm and the programme will be delivered by Paula Hall. To book and find out more, click here: https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/the-kick-start-workshop
  13. until
    This one-day workshop is suitable for anyone struggling with damaging sexual behaviours who wants a quick solution to understanding their problem and knowing how to overcome it. The day provides all the information and tools required to confirm that you do have sex or porn addiction and understand the problem from a biological as well as a psychological perspective. The six-phase cycle of addiction will be introduced along with strategies for how to stop it. The stages of recovery will be fully explained and tools provided to begin a recovery plan. By the end of the day you will be able to:- Confirm if you're addicted to sex or porn Understand addiction from biological and psychological perspective Explore your own individual cycle of addiction Identify possible root causes of your addiction Appreciate what full recovery means and how it’s achieved Establish a recovery path and plan Groups are completely confidential and anonymous and only first names will be used. Group size is limited to a maximum of 8 same-sex attendees and refreshments are provided, but not lunch. The day runs from 9.30 to 4.00 pm and the programme will be delivered by Paula Hall. To book and find out more, click here: https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/the-kick-start-workshop
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    This stand-alone workshop has been created to give partners a fast track way of getting professional advice and support and an opportunity to meet other partners. We know how devastating and isolating discovering addiction is and how scary the roller-coaster of emotions can feel. This day will help you to break those feelings of isolation by meeting other partners and it will also give you practical tools for establishing emotional stability. During the day we will cover the following topics: Surviving the trauma of discovery Looking after you Understanding what sex and porn addiction really is Recognising your Cycle of Reaction Avoiding trauma related triggers Establishing boundaries Follow up At the end of the workshop, there will be the opportunity to continue your journey of support through further workshops or by joining one of our residential support programmes. Subsequent topics include: Developing and strengthening self-care Stopping the Cycle of Reaction Re-claiming self esteem and self identity Considering the decision to stay or leave Rebuilding trust Creating a future All participants of our support programmes will be invited to join our monthly support group. Please note, our partner support groups do not assume that you are staying within your relationship but will help you to consider what your future options may be. Groups are completely confidential and limited to a maximum of 8 people. The day runs from 9.30 am to 4.30 pm and you can book your place on the link below. https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/partner-support-workshop
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    Sex and porn addiction can devastate partners and many people struggle to know how to support their partners whilst continuing on their own recovery journey. This day focuses on understanding partner’s needs, improving communication and developing the essential requirements for rebuilding trust. The day has been specifically designed for people with addiction who are already in recovery and want additional insight and resources to rebuild their relationship. The workshop will help attendees to:- Understand the emotional impact on partners Understand how disclosure affects partner’s response Demonstrate empathy for partners feelings Manage their own internal emotional responses to partners Demonstrate empathy and compassion Improve accountability Develop better communication skills Resolve and reduce conflict Understand the essentials for rebuilding trust The day will run from 10.00 am to 4.30 pm with lunch and refreshments provided and is delivered by an Associate who is trained Relationship Counsellor as well as specialising in sex and porn addiction and working with partners. To book: https://thelaurelcentre.co.uk/courses/understanding-partners-needs
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