Denise

Hiya...I’m devastated, 18 months ago found out my husband had been dogging for years, he said he just watched men....6 months ago I I caught him out again even though he said he had stopped, I didn’t let it go as easily this time, I wanted to know exactly what he was up to, he says he went dogging but it was only men and that he did join in, he says they just brought each other off and nothing else, he also admitted that he has been addicted to porn since way before he met me....he started reading support strategies online and he now says that he’s not done anything since 6 months ago however, he still cannot have sex with me as he loses his erection I know this is due to the death grip/ porn stuff and I cannot satisfy him. My intuition tells me he’s still up to stuff and I’ve been to hell and back, I thought he was my lovely, gorgeous soulmate.....I am 60 now and can not afford to take the risk of wasting another few years so Im splitting up with him, the annoying hurtful thing is that I am in a mess but he doesn’t seem to care that much, he hasn’t said I love you for years . A few years ago a condom dropped out of his back pocket so I don’t believe the dogging was just wanking (sorry to use this word) and I find I don’t believe a word that he says...he will go on, meet another person and will move on and live a happy slate wiped clean life.....my head is absolutely screwed up, feel I will never trust again, I was abused as a child and married to an abusive man before I met my husband he knew all this and yet he has just made the past 18 years a lie.....I don’t know how I’m going to get through this....like you I do not understand any of this x

Hi Ginny, thank you I will check your advise out, it’s a bit like the stages of bereavement I feel I’m going through, I try to understand knowing it is an addiction then next day I’m so angry I also feel that I need to know the whole truth however, I doubt he will ever disclose this to me. It annoys me also as he knows my past experiences and said he was disgusted at what I went through as a child and with my ex visiting prostitutes and then wham bam.... he’s screwed my head up even more by what he has done..I feel that because I’m a very caring person who is soft hearted he chose me because he could get away with it as I wouldn’t suspect anything, I feel I’ve never had his love, I feel very very used.....I will take your advise and see if it helps me unravel my feelings. Thanks again 🌸

Hi me again, the books called Your brain on porn....review it, it’s got great feedback. Good luck🌸

Hiya, this is definitely a huge problem, my husband can’t maintain an erection as porn is the only thing that does it for him so as his wife I feel totally ugly. There is a good book on Amazon that is supposed to help people with porn addiction, it’s called something like Porn on the brain, or a similar title, I think I’m going to order it for my husband. I’ll tell you now, it’s a destroyer, I don’t know if I can stay with my husband at the moment, I’m very confused, he’s not the person I believed he was...very strange as a year ago I thought we had the perfect happy loving relationship.....so yep, your problem is caused by easy access to porn and if you don’t stop it could ruin your life....there are success story’s though so don’t give up hope 🌸

Hi, new here, last year I found it my husband of 18 years had been to dogging sites, I always knew there was something but couldn’t put my finger on it. To cut a very long complex long story short, when confronted he admitted he had been doing it for 3 years, said he was glad I’d found out and that he would never go again, he said all he did was watch men mastabate and there were never any females there at the sites he used. I chose to forgivehim, my first husband visited prositutes and I was abused as a child so my head is a bit screwed but I have never let my past ruin my future, when I met my second husband I felt I could trust him, loved him like crazy he is gentle, not loving but gentle man and we get along great. We both decided to retire early and he persuaded me to move away, only 50 miles, but nearer the coast. I’ve now discovered he’s been at it again an that there are hundreds of dogging sites around our new place (tracked him) I’ve confronted him and he’s admitted he’s addicted to porn and has been since early in his first marriage he claims the dogging has only been for the last 5 years. We’ve always had a fantastic sex life up till around 3 years ago and I put the deterioration down to work etc, I know know that he’s desensitised due to porn. He said he won’t do it again, he’s doing a course on line (tbh he’s done it twice only since I found out) he wants me to keep tracking him, he’s sorry, trouble is I don’t think I can ever trust him, at moment we are living as friends, it’s exhausting, I don’t want to try sex with him or let him touch me, even though he could never retain an erection we have always satisfied each other in other ways now he makes me want to scream at him, I feel like I want nothing sexual from him, we get along really well and have lots in common. I’m 60 next month and I feel like the last 18 years have been a waste. There’s loads more things to my story, this is the outline, I find I read story’s on here and everyone is forgiving and moving forward with there relationships, I feel I can’t.....I don’t have time to waste but yet I’m scared to do anything about it....sorry my story is all over the place but I’d appreciate some advice as I’m devastated 🦋 still says he only watches and it’s men but I don’t believe him