Monica

Many thanks KayKay for your insight I will try to find the differences between Sexual addiction and serial cheeting but you are right when you say that he only can know what his behaviour is. I suggestd him to speak to his psy Maybe I say something stupid..... but serial cheeting seems to me even worse.... hugs Monica

Dear forum members, I hope that someone can understand my issue because I really feel that I"m losing my mind and this feeling is really awful. I'am married and we have two young children. When my first son was 18 months I discovered casually that my husband subscribed to a web site that helped people with the same sexual desires to meet and have fun together he filled a form describing his preferences and himself as someone who was missing something. I also find some emails between him and a few female members of the site exchanging in a very direct language. I was in shock.... so in pain.... also because I had noticed that he was mentally somewhere else but when discussed the issue with him, he told me that all was OK and that with the arrival of a baby it was normal that we were tired and had less intimacy and things like this. By this point my trust and confidence towards my husband were gone..... but somehow we continued our journey together also because he seemed really desperate at the idea of losing me. When I was pregnant of the second child (4 years passed from the first discovery) I intercepted an SMS of a woman saying "If you want I'm available to speak now. Call me if you can'. When I asked about the identity of this woman he first told me the name of someone that I also knew, but then seeing that I did not believe him he admitted that it was his ex.... The thing that made me suffer was the fact of lying.... in fact, he had registered the number of his ex under another name. Again a huge discussion.... we started therapy and the therapist said to him to stop this behaviour.... (simple to say ....more difficult to do....). Once I found on his mobile plenty of websites helping find a sexual adventure in the area you are living in. He always told me that he had only online chats, but how can I believe him? And also if it was online for me nothing chance. At this point I suggested the idea of an addiction also because it seemed that when discovered he was completely devastated.... sometimes he admitted having a problem, but then quite soon questioned himself if he was a sex addict or not.. seems not wanted to admit not even at himself. He started therapy but I'm not sure that here in France where we live he found the right therapist. He also started attending a12 step group, but it closed very soon because not enough members!!!! So the last discovery a week ago.... another message on his phone a woman saying "sorry if I not answered your call I was not alone.... hope you are fine big hugs" Again the same scenario ....who is this woman? My husband trying to escape the situation; has cancelled his previous call and at the end admitted it was still his ex ! I never knew that they were still in contact and also if they are not living in the same town I'm scared and upset because this aspect of his life was always hidden to me. Why all these lies? He knew that telling the truth was the only way to rebuild a trust that was seriously damaged, but he decided to continue his lies letting grow even more suspects and distrust. The question is how to protect myself from all this emotional pain? How to be not involved? I think that maybe putting a physical distance between us is the only solution so that I'm not triggered all the time with his segrets. I also considered divorce but economically for me this will be very difficult and not sure I can afford it now. many thanks for reading me and sorry for my english ....I'm italian and its not easy to write in another language. bye to all Monica