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Kate2018

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About Kate2018

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  1. Kate2018

    Will he ever want sex with me again?

    Hi Nicola thank you so much. Like you things have been pretty horrific but we're having a good week. It's strange how it's going great one minute then back on the crazy train. I have a therapist now which is good but it's all been a huge shocy to my system and the pain it causes is unbelievable. I'm in a stuck place at the moment I keep going around in circles,! But better than previous weeks thank you. I hope you and your hubby can get through this x
  2. Kate2018

    Husband a sex addict but with men

    Hi Ruby this must be a blow, someone told me last week fear and shame rules the addict I guess that's why it's so hard for our husbands to be honest with us. Yes as far as I am aware if your husband applies for a job he would have to state he's been cautioned, many jobs do a crb I think it shows up but it doesn't necessarily mean that he won't get a job but I guess it depends on what he does for a living. How are you doing silly question I know but sometimes it's nice just to be asked,! hope things improve for you x
  3. Kate2018

    Will he ever want sex with me again?

    Hi Nicola I'm so sorry to hear about what you have been through, wow you have put up with a lot haven't you but that's love I guess. Men with porn and sex addictions struggle with intamacy big time it's not you it's him he used sex workers as there doesn't need to be any emotion from him from my experience it's a fear of being in a loving vulnerable relationship and for him sex workers porn etc is just the chemical reaction of the addiction he craves to feel normal it's a vicious cycle. Have you sought individual therapy? You can get help through psychosexual service it's free I was referred by another therapist not sure what area it is in https://www.national.slam.nhs.uk/services/adult-services/psychosexual/ I'm in a real mess at present I can't cope really struggling with it all but you sound like your very strong, stay strong and look after you x
  4. Kate2018

    Multiple cross addiction? Any hope?

    Thanks tutu I know you are right he has things he needs to deal with and I need to better understand time will help I suppose. Many thanks to you and Christine so grateful I've found this site and everyone here is so supportive it's great I hope I can give back to others sometime.
  5. Kate2018

    Multiple cross addiction? Any hope?

    Thanks for your advice Christine your right I know I can't change him but I just wanted to know if anyone had this problem and worked through it. I've since read on another site it says it can be common to have another addiction but who knows,. I will leave him if he doesn't work on himself to change though I know this takes time but not sure how much I can give. I love him more than anything but I am now putting myself first and have loved him and lived with him like this for 22 years. I'm doing all I can for myself took a holiday alone i do fitness classes with friends again, I've joined a 12 step group this week as well as therapy I will speak to therapist re your advice otherwise not going to get anywhere. The thing is even if I leave I know I have to work on me because his behaviours intended or not have seriously damaged my self esteem confidence with everyone and trust issues the gaslighting is what's done it. thanks again x
  6. Kate2018

    How do I forgive and move on?

    Hi so sorry for what happened to you. he's addicted it's an addiction and it may be controlled but not cured it's like any addiction. There is a lot of support out there for partners. I've been reading lots of books and I'm only2/3 months in have a therapist and joining a group which has been difficult to find depending on where you are try COSA. I have said some dreadful things to my husband in anger and I regret that I've also apologised for this. But I do struggle to control my feelings since I found out so much about him my past feels like a lie, we've been married 14 years together 22 my only partner also. Try reading Paula Hall book for partners and sheri keffer book she is also a religious lady and counseller who went through this herself it's a brilliant book. They say its not about us but it feels like it is I kno, my confidence is in bits but Im still here and it's not my shame to carry because my husband has done these things and when I think I'm worthless to him I say to myself it's his shit, sorry to sware I'm not religious so that's what I say to myself. I guess your husband will feel more ashamed being a religious man too. But you need to work on you that's what I'm doing now do things you enjoy go for a massage exercise get a manicure sleep etc. Good luck let us know how you get on x
  7. Kate2018

    Restarted masturbation

    Hi I believe from my husbands sa therapist that some mastubation can be healthy within reason I mean it's when it becomes excessive I guess and from what your saying its a problem for you. There's SAA online meetings for men those are 12 step programmes and free. I've been looking for online meeting as I'm miles from meetings too I'm a partner and they are so difficult to find. Ps don't feel guilty look at what you have achieved on your own. Maybe try some distraction techniques when triggered I'm no expert at all just a thought maybe go for a run Walk the dog read a book. Also if you have a partner be honest then your not going it alone and he or she should understand that your being forthright in your recovery sometimes we go back to go forwards! good luck
  8. Kate2018

    Husband a sex addict but with men

    Thank you Ruby and all the best wishes for you. Sheri keffer is religious I'm not but it's not all religious in the book just sections so I skip those! Yes there are so many unexplained events and the gaslighting he's done over the years similar to you he made me believe I was going crazy. Its tough but like you I'm finding things for myself and children. The worst thing is he's such a charmer and seems so honest my own mother thinks I'm nuts the things I've found on his phone and pc he still denies but he's very technical and is always one step ahead so I've stopped trying to dig as that was crazy making. Thinking of you keep us posted x
  9. Kate2018

    Husband a sex addict but with men

    Oh Ruby I'm so sorry to hear this just read your July post how devastating for you . A sa specialist is a must it could really help if you can both find one. Me and my husband have separate therapy with different sex addiction therapists not very far in but there's definitely an understanding from mine this far. I'm glad to hear your at disclosure I realise this is dreadful but it may give you what you need to move on together or apart. I'm no where near only2 months in and it's hell so I can understand I guess you've had a double blow with it being men that your husband has acted out with and I'm really sorry and sympathise x. I've been reading Paula's book I'd very much recommend it and sheri keffers book. Keep us posted good luck and hope things go as well as can for you
  10. Hi everyone I hope you are all as well as can be. I just wondered if anyone has experienced a partner with multiple addiction is there any hope? My husband is a porn addict, he has been what I would believe is alcohol dependent where he's in such a state he needs help getting to bed being sick et. And ruined many events. This is happening again since he stopped porn and ogling in front of me or he says he has I'm not sure I believe him but that's my insecurity. He's also a gambling addict of 10 years and struggled with gaming addictions I found all this out in the last 2 months I just thought he was silly with drink before, but now I think he has a problem I mean he has not come home on many occasions of binge drinking over the years and god knows what else. He's really abusing the alcohol again recently and is blaming the choice of drink instead of admitting this is another escape. He's in therapy with a sex and addiction specialist I'm not sure how to get through. I'm I therapy but only once a fortnight and only done2 sessions which this far has been an overview and background info. Any advice would be much appreciated many thanks.
  11. Hello I just wondered if anyone knows or has any links for online support groups for partners. I'm struggling to find anything in my location the nearest meeting appears to be 50 miles away. And although I have a therapist I'm feeling pretty isolated it would be nice to meet people in similar situations. Many thanks in advance.
  12. Hi all thanks for the replies. May I agree completely with everything you are saying my husband does not seem to remember half of the stuff we have found and he was active on dating sites but he swares he never did anything! But I don't believe him and continue to look for answers I'm not sure if he really does have memory issues or if it's a cover the depth of his lies are so deep we've been together since high school I was only 14 when we met so he's always been able to lie to me 22 years we've been together. I'll probably never know the whole truth may your right. I know what you mean josh and out of wishes but I think the sex contacts email it's not spam email they are in a separate folder and none of the others have saved to our contacts I checked through all of those too, this email address is actually saved to our Google account where you can check activity history and even your passwords Google syncs everything that's how I found all my husband dating site passwords and usernames, so I think he had used it for pics and cams and deleted the messages but no proof and tbh I need to quit it I actually think I'm pain avoiding whilst hunting for answers but I feel in my heart he will never give me the whole truth of what he knows he is in therapy so hopefully this will help but I have major doubts he's scared of hurting me anymore he thinks ill leave I'm in therapy too and both our therapist are sex and addiction trained so fingers crossed. Its so nice to hear from you all especially as I'm having a really bad few days as my husband was drinking heavily again Saturday completely parapletic collapsed downstairs I couldn't get him in bed I had to leave him this has also been a long standing issue drinking gambling etc he replaces one addiction with another so I've crashed back down again. I'm sorry to hear of your marriage troubles too May and I am very grateful for all your replies it's so comforting to know I'm not alone in this as sad as that is for you guys too. I have the book for partners by p Hall I have it in kindle theres a lot to take in so I'm going through it slowly it's a great book. Thanks again
  13. Hello everyone , following an earlier post I made after initial discovery I feel have still not gotten the whole truth from my husband I feel I never will but husband is in therapy now, I am also seeing my own therapist due to trauma. Just wondered if anyone could shed light on an email contact that has saved to husbands Google contacts, the email address is british sex contacts. Com, would my husband have needed to sign up/pay? I googled the website and it's a hook up site. I think he's deleted the emails but forgot that Google syncs the addresses. He tells me that he has no idea and I don't know the usual! unfortunately. The trouble in our case is that he's always one step ahead he's very tech savvy and I'm struggling to find hard evidence of what I believe he's done aside from his porn addictionand gambling addiction and ogling which he admitted after showing him hard evidence of the porn and gambling I then pushed for more info re leering I said I have never imagined anything have I he finally admitted how much leering he's been doing he spent our entire holiday obsessing. I do now have access to the phone records and bs but the issue is I think he has had a different untraceable phone, another woman I suspected an 18 mth affair with has fled the area after living here for years could be coincidence she put her house up for sale after I contacted her. House still up for sale empty. When I got a reply from her she tried to pin it on her neighbour who I know! I was really pleasant and had wrote her a letter explaining the situation and said I just wanted to know the truth I'd never blame her not her problem it's his as not to cause upset but she's covering for herself and him I think. Any help would be much appreciated thank you.
  14. Thank you for your replies and we'll wishes everyone it means a lot.
  15. *Update *following initial therapy session . The therapist was amazing she seems to know what's going on she wants to see my husband alone she thinks he may have sex addiction certainly addiction problems and has told him it can take a long time but that if he's committed to working on his addictions and issues she believes he can work to deal with his impulses. Since we met her my husband has read a book on the pain this causes spouse he seems to be really trying more affectionate more attentive explaining that he never wanted me to be hurt etc he seems so genuine he's given me access to his phone ipad etc he was defensive before (possibly deleted things? He's had time) though anything I've asked he's now trying to answer me calmly no longer defensive, but he seemed so genuine in the past therefore apart from my gut feelings how can I really know if he's being honest now? His actions do seem different but maybe he's realised I really am ready to walk I've booked myself on a girls holiday I go this Thursday I booked it last Friday and told him I need some head space and pamper, since this I'd say he's been different I've never been anywhere alone really never mind joining my friends in a girls holiday in the sun! Feeling more positive but also very scared of what I could yet find out as I think he needs therapy to work on himself to finally admit things and also scared of what the future holds for us.
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