My husband of nearly 30 years has an addiction to prostitutes. I only discovered the true extent of his addiction earlier this year.
He was neglected as a child and craved live and attention. When he was 18 he had his first experience with a sex worker. From that moment he was hooked.
When we married I was aware that he had used prostitutes in the past, but I didn’t see it as an issue now that we were building a future together. Over the years there were incidents of him using pornography, which didn’t alarm me. He the moved on to chat lines and spent thousands of pounds, so I laid down the law and demanded that it stopped. My husband works away from home a lot and would never have a joint bank account, so had a free rayne most of the time.
13 years ago I discovered that he had been buying hundreds of pounds worth of flowers. I racked my brain trying to figure out birthdays and anniversaries, nothing added up. I confronted him and he spun me a story which didn’t add up. I accused him of seeing someone else he denied it at first and then admitted to a fling which had ended. These were all lies. I discovered that the fling was a prostitute and not the only one. I was devastated. He assured me that nothing like this would happen again, I foolishly believed him. There were then more chat rooms, which I put a stop to again. After years of me trying to repair the damage that he had caused our marriage I thought things were getting better. After snooping through his bank and phone last summer I discovered that he had returned to using prostitutes again. Again I was an emotional mess, devastated and hurt. Into the mix we now had intimacy anorexia and him using poppers. We went to marriage guidance and hypnotherapy. I don’t know what he was expecting to achieve from that. Throughout the years I had kept his dirty secret from family and friends. We split for a while and he led me to believe that we could put all this behind us.
Earlier this year he started drinking heavily and one night got so drunk he went straight to a local brothel (without disabling find a friend in his phone). At this point our grown up children could now see where their father was by themselves. I told them everything, he’d left me with no option. He left the house the next morning saying he wanted a divorce. He continued to contact me and I’ve talked, he admitted he had used prostitutes since befor our marriage and thought the 39 years together. He’d spent in excess of £300,000 over the years and it was out of control. By this point he was up to his neck in debt, had depression and was suicidle. He asked for help so I agreed to fund residential rehab for 1 month. Since then Which is over 4 months ago I believe he hasn’t used a prostitute, he’s attended NA & SLAA meetings. He did upto step 3 in rehab and has let it slip
He tells me he loves me but can’t have sex with me. I feel so unloved, unwanted and unattractive. I crave the intimacy of a healthy marriage. Will this ever change?
Id like to hear from anyone who has a similar experience.