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robert463 last won the day on September 10

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  1. robert463

    I have a problem

    Finally accepting i have a problem. i've been meeting other men for sex for five or six years now,. It started as me being curious and enjoying what i experienced to becoming an obsession and finally i now realise an addiction. I've tried to stop, or at least cut back many times but i just cant, the urge gets too great. i'm married, pretty much happily in all other ways bar sex, it stopped with her a few years back, thats when the real hold of stranger gay sex took hold of me. I tried and pretty much succeeded in convincing myself that i was just looking for something i wasn't getting at home, that it wasn't really cheating - bullshit i know, i've been going to gay cruising spots and gay saunas, meeting total strangers, needing the hit, the buzz of the sex, then feeling the crash of reality when its over, The guilt kick in and i vow never to do it again, but i'm too weak and i return, the time between action and relapse shorter and shorter, last night i went out looking for sex, late on, made an excuse to my wife about going to 24 hour shop, stupid but i couldnt help myself. There was no one about so i drove a few miles to another place, again no-one. Spent a few hours driving back and forward, just looking for someone to have sex with. scared id be at one place and miss someone at the other, ended up following cars, hoping they'd pull into the cruising spot. got so frustrated it hurt, eventually had to go home but really didnt want to. Huge fight with wife, tried to convince her i got a flat tire but she knew i was up to something, it cant go on, what i did is just not rational. i have told myself not to do it again, and i dont want to, but i dont trust or believe in myself