Thanks Hannah. Its exactly where i am. If i cant prove it then it didnt happen even though the facts i know about he denies. He refuses to discuss anything and becomes angry if i bring it up. He laughed at our counselors and refuses to participate in anything. He says hes clean now. He is 72 years old and i doubt much will change at his age. What hurts the most is his total lack of empathy for me at all. He said it only hurt my ego. I have decided to give up on fixing anything in our marriage. If i have to watch him with other wemon like in the past i will swiftly divorce him. I have set firm boundares and have also made it clear that i dont want any affection of any kind from him because i have no way of knowing what he is doing. I cant kiss a man that ive wstched kissing others. I wont hug a man that can do that in front of me. Sex has been gone for 20 years as he preferred masturbating to my friends and family and i was just rejected. So ive made it clear that if he cant come clean and do the work then i refuse to be intimate in anyway with him. I treat him like a roommate. He has his room and i have mine on seperate ends of the house. I also told him that i am not going to spend my time waiting for him to mature. These are his sins not mine and i paid dearly for them already. Once i made my mind up it has been easier. I no longer care what he is doing. Why should i . He didnt care about me or he would have made amends and our world would have been different. The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference. The kind he has shown me for so long. But it works for me. I have business to run so i can stay busy. That helps to. I employ about 50 people so to divorce could create a real issue. I go about my life as though i dont have a husband. No more nice wife here. Just indifference. Thats where i am at and i will stay here until i feel safe. Until he can find humility and compassion and i can truly feel a change then he is nothing more than a person. Not my husband. I dont tell him what im doing or thinking. I just go about my business. I give very vague answers to any questions. Mostly like i have no opinion on the subject. I know he notices but he also skirts it. So i see no change. I would love to hear from others that cant feel any empathy from the sex addict. Thanks for listening
I was hoping someone could help me understand what is happening in my marriage. My husband is 72. He has been a sex addict since he was young. He admitted to it 6 years ago. I caught him with other wemen several times. Our marriage 31 years has been full of lies and deceit. Very little sex only rejection. I felt like be was always punishing me. He would do nice things for me and then cheat on me. Calls if his language of love. He was into porn masturbation and fantasy. He materbates to my friends and family and other people I know. He said he quit 3 years ago but I have no way of knowing. My trust is completely gone. He refuses to talk about it period. Everything is it happened 1 time. Then I find that' a lie. He says I need to leave it in the past. He refuses to do a disclosure. I do see him trying to do better when I am with him. But I have no idea when he' away from me. He has zero empathy. He says he hurt my ego and that' why I'm mad. He admits he brought it with him and then adds that I better work on my problems that made it so easy for him to want to return to it. He claims he never had physical sex outside our marriage and yet his first marriage was a free for all. He is very angry and resentful towards me. He says I need to just shut up about it. How can I move forward with only trickle truth and lies. He has no clue to how bad he has hurt me. Example 9 years ago I had cancer. I came home and told him. He said in sure you will get over it and went in the bedroom and shut the door. He was not there for me. Move forward 3 years. I asked why he did that. His response was I fantasized you died and move Shellie [my best friend) in with me and I masturbated to her alot. I was devastated. He didn' care. I have not been able to be around her since. This lack of empathy is killing me. I have felt like a fool most of my marriage. We'e been to 6 counselors. He blew them off. Says they don't know shit and he has cured himself. But his anger and lack of remorse and his inability to talk openly scares me. I have not had sex with him in over 5 years. I tried twice but it made me sick. Nor have I allowed my husband to even see me naked. He has stated many times that I am fat. He also said sex with me was work. Now says that I shouldn' remember those things because they were said in anger. I can' read his mind. I' not always with him so I can' tell if he' clean or not. I state it to him that way. He gets angry and defensive and tells me I will never trust him. I have been angry and distant and I am triggered often. When it happens I either get the silent treatment or his anger. Never never support. Can he even change at his age. If so what do I look for? He is always charming to others. Others find him very likeable. Early in our marriage i pointed out the things he was doing that hurt me and I was met with total contempt. I have watched him hold and miss others in front of me. Then he would have an excuse. It was only one time. I'l never do it again. But he does. I hate when I herd the words 1 time. Because in time I will find the lie. When he can' or won' talk about it I feel I can' move on. I feel like he wants a pardon. May be he is clean. I have no way of knowing. It' a big elephant in the room. He says I need to just move on. I need some help from other addicts to help me know what' going on. Wht can' he just tell. The truth or have any empathy. Please what is be doing. I am at a loss as to what to do.