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About jem

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  1. Hello Lulu18, Your story is very familiar to me, and I feel your pain. I discovered my husband/partner of 29yrs has had affairs during our marriage, a unhealthy habit with porn and then sleps with numerous sex workers in the past 3 yrs, his SA was spiralling out of control. When i discovered what was going on (caught on his phone), last Oct (one year soon) I was utterly devastated. It is a very lonely place. I have told nobody. My 3 teenage children know about one incident with a working girl via his self help notes (we have discussed his issues as a family, without details), we all love him and are motivated to help him get better. However, he is their father for life (and a good one) but I have choices. I love him and we seemingly have a better marriage now than we have for years. It is very hard, as he is my trigger and I am often making him feel shame and guilt, but we talk a lot, cuddle and cry, we are doing our best. I have thrown myself into podcasts, hypnosis apps (wow, not me at all!!) and many books, now I need to start living again! I also torture my husband with podcasts about relationships (Relationship Alive) and we are more intimate in our sex life - sex without orgasm is all about being close and intimate. My husband has been given a chance - and only one chance. I have a good job, great kids, lovely friends (however, they I believe would not understand, its just too risky, another thing to worry about for me!) and so much to live for (did feel suicidal initially, for 6 months I recon). Good luck with the Paula Hall course - my husband went and thought it was excellent. Look at PartnerHope website - also good for us partners. I hope this message is helpful, you are in my thoughts.
  2. Dear PJ, I found your reply to Victoria very moving and helpful. I discovered my husband sex addiction 5 months ago, it has been so very very painful. He is on a mission to save our marriage, I love him very much, but cannot believe what he has done. Your reply helped explain it, again, as I need constant reminding! We have 3 children together and 28yrs history. I have grown up with him, so all the more shocking. He had a tough upbringing, that I am more inclined to blame more than he is! Since he completed the Paula Hall course he is now struggling with guilt, I don't think I help him by carrying all this pain. Any advice re overcoming Guilt? jem x
  3. jem

    Anyone now feel completely disconnected?

    Hello disconnected, I totally understand how you feel. I have been with my husband for 28 yrs, we have 3 children, a business, a lovely close family. Then BOOM Oct 12th 2017 I discovered some very painful truths. He had three ridiculous fumbling leas-ions with staff at work (20 - 15 yrs ago) big gap with lots of porn and the desire to change, then 3 yr affair and at the same time 14 prostitutes 2014 - 2017. I thought I had the faithful husband - I am numb, in shock, totally disconnected from my friends, work colleges, even my children. I look at other people and think are you a sex addict? I have managed to contain this information to protect everyone else, including us as a couple. I do have a Paula Hall Councillor (excellent). We have a lot of history, kids and financial ties and I am presently giving him and myself time to let things settle. He is committed to change and has been on a course. To answer your question - I probably wound move on, your relationship is in it's early stages and as hard as it is, you will probably be better off on your own, or meet somebody who is less complicated. If I knew what was ahead of me, I think I would definitely have left him at the alter! This is coming from an empathetic woman ;-)