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Help!!! last won the day on December 15 2017

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  1. Thanks PJ and Essex Addict for your comments. So I did have a slip 2 days ago and visited an online chat room. Am disappointed in myself but as you suggested PJ loneliness is a trigger and my defences were low when I returned home to an empty house. However I'm trying to draw on the positives. Historically such a slip would have resulted in a binge right up to my wife coming home. That hasn't happened and I've been clean now for 2 days. I am determined to stay that way until my wife returns on Sunday after which I hope it will get easier. PJ thanks for the links. Really helpful. Essex Addict I'm really sorry to read your story. You are not a dirty pervert. You have, like all of us on here a problem that has spiralled out of control. I do hope that somehow you can resolve things with your wife although right now it will be very raw. If you haven' already, you need to try and understand the underlying reasons for your addiction. My triggers are loneliness, boredom, stress and anxiety and I guess mist of all very low self esteem. Understanding your own personal demons is the first step on the long road to recovery. Good luck
  2. Hi KDH Telephone sex is one of my addictions too. In order to work through this you need to understand what' driving your addiction, if you don't already know. Paulas Kick Start Recovery pdf is an excellent starting point. By posting on here you are acknowledging you have a problem. However I know from reading the many posts on here that it can be beaten. I wish you all the strength you need
  3. Hi all and happy Christmas! I thought now would be a good point to check in. It' been over 3 weeks since my last slip and I can honestly say I've been 100% clean in that time. I'm feeling quite strong but wanted to check in as I know the next few days will be a test. My wife will be going away for a few days to spend time with family. I' staying at home due to work commitments. Historically that scenario would probably be a trigger for me acting out. I'm determined that won' happen this time although I know I've been here before. I have lots of positive things planned for the times when I'll be home alone and feel I have new found resolve to work through this. Good luck to all of you
  4. Hi Yiksob11. Sounds like you are planning all the right strategies to prevent slipping. Good luck and stay strong
  5. Thank you Yiksob11 and PJ for your insightful replies and good wishes. Finding this site is a real boost for me in making me accept I'm not some sort of freak and others have and are going through similar. I've had a good week since last week' slip. Had time on my own in the house but with no thought of slipping. Went back and read my initial post which serves to remind me of what I want to achieve. PJ, I totally understand where you're coming from and you may be 100% right in saying I can'tdo this alone, however disclosure to my wife at least at this stage is not something I can do. Never say never but right now my total focus is on staying clean. Strangely though since finding this site I really dont feel that im doing this alone. Thanks again for your words of support. Really means a lot.
  6. Hi all. I discovered this site on 23rd October after another weekend of acting out. I found some of the stories so inspirational. Found myself nodding in agreement as so much of what others have gone through resonates with me. I had stayed 100% clean from that date.....until this weekend where after yet another slip I feel I'm back to Square 1! So what's my story? I think I discovered porn in my mid teens. A very shy guy growing up I never really had much luck with the opposite sex. Didn't lose my virginity until my mid twenties but all that time porn was my substitute. My emotional crutch when stressed, lonely sad or whatever. Anyway with the digital age, added to my porn addiction has come chat rooms where I seek cyber and phone sex. I'm 51 now. I've been married for 7 years to a wonderful woman who I love more than anything. No she has no idea about my problem. It would break her heart...and selfishly mine too if she were to find out. I haven' physically cheated on her but shamefullly the porn, cyber and phone sex has continued at various intervals during our marriage. Having worked through Paulas Kick Start Recovery I have a clear understanding of my addiction of the roots of my addiction. Beating it of course is something else! I discovered new found motivation when I first found its site. So why did I slip? One of my triggers is loneliness and my wife has been away for this weekend. I mentally prepared for this and planned lots of positive things to do with my time. However I have a very stressful job and I have had something really big hanging over me from work this weekend. Stress is another trigger so I guess the two combined and I slipped again. Usual feelings of shame etc coupled with a renewed determination to beat this. For anyone who has taken the trouble to read this far, thank you. I have found writing this quite therapeutic and would appreciate any thoughts or advice from anyone on this forum. Im not a bad person. I just just have a very bad problem which I need to address. My motivation is to lead a happy, healthy life and be the husband that my wife deserves. Good luck to you all
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