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  1. 2 points
    Thats the thing. I don't want to just transfer my addictive behaviours to a different addiction. I know I need to address the root cause of what need they are filling for me so I can work out non destructive ways of meeting it. This is so hard, but just being able to talk to people who understand is a comfort.
  2. 2 points
    Hello Desperateforrecovery, Yes, you're at rock bottom. Welcome. I'm here too. So are others. You're not alone. I'm discovering that the compulsions we share LOVE the shame and secrecy and isolation, so good on you for sharing. Keep doing it. I've started with a therapist; absolute key is to be 100% honest with them. If you're not comfortable saying things to your therapist then get another one. I told mine some things that I've never told anyone, thoughts that I've hidden for 30 years. She notes it down and we talk around it. It is liberating. It might not affect whether my wife stays or leaves me but it will affect the future me that I want to be and she will see one day. Keep going to therapy. Have you tried Sex Addicts Anonymous? There is also Sexaholics Anon and Sex & Love Addicts Anon. Hopefully something will be close to you to attend. Try different ones as they are all different, even the different location groups under the same organisation. I've started. the first visit was very scary. But I actually look forward to going, because I know it will make me feel better and I know I can get some support, which is ultimately what it is about. Try the letter. Even if you write it and screw it up afterwards, that means you have got out what was in your head. Keep going and check in often. P.
  3. 1 point
    We are all visiting this forum for one reason or another. --- How are you? How is your day going? P.
  4. 1 point
    Hi, This is my journey through addiction, I hope it can help others see there is a way out. I first struggled with alcohol addiction and went to rehab in 2006, there it was quickly identified that my primary addiction was indeed sex addiction. I was hoffied and in complete denial. I refused to accept it and labeled myself an alcoholic. I carried on relapsing with alcohol and stayed in complete denial about SA until July 2007. Then my partner found out about my affairs and I told him I had been told I was a sex addict. But really I wasn't ready to accept it myself. After another two trips to rehab, I finally managed to stop drinking in September 2009, and started my recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous using the 12 step program. I managed to be faithful and not act out until February 2012. Then because all I had done in my recovery up until then, was deal with some of the symptoms (ie drinking) and I had been too afraid to look at the root causes and deal with the real issue,which was sex addiction I relapsed into SA. I tried to convince myself it was actually a new love of my life (even though I desperately loved my partner) and that it was not me using men to deal with my fears,shame, insecurities and pain. It escalated over the next 4 years to many sexual encounters and I came more insane and irrational. Eventually my partner found out again and I was ready to accept my real problems. I went to Paula Hall (as my partner had previously had some partners counselling with her back in 2007 when I was using 12 steps for my recovery). There I was introduced to my therapist and started my real journey into getting well. Too begin with I was still holding onto bits of the truth and lying even to my therapist, but she was patient and she helped me see the need for absolute total honesty. To be honest I didn't know what true honesty was and it took me a while to learn how to be completely honest. I was so ashamed and so afraid to face all what I had done. But I knew that to deal with this meant dealing with the causes of my addictions, not just the symptoms. I had to accept why and how had I became so dependant on sex and lust to fill the pain inside me. The journey was painful and extremely hard at times, but I had the most amazing therapist and I was able to totally trust her in a way I had never trusted anyone. Over the years I have had some many people try and help me but she was different, she understood me and my issues totally. i will forever be so grateful to her. I spent 20 months going to see her once a week and I believe I needed that much time to really process my issues. One thing I did regret was D Day and trying to go through disclosure with my partner on our own and too early. As I took so long to be able to be completely honest, each time I tried to tell the full truth to my partner I either hide something or lied about something or denied it. This caused so much more pain. I wish we had waited until I was honest enough to do it properly. Eventually we did a therapeutic disclosure with two therapists from Paula's practice, which went very well. So I would advise using the therapists to help with this totally. My partner has been amazing and we are still together, I know I have been extremely lucky to have someone who understands my issues and believes in me overcoming them. I am just about to start seeing a new therapist from the practice who is relationship trained, who hopefully can help me further with some of my lasting relationship issues, and take me to a further place of healing. There is a way out, if you can be honest and face yourself and your shame. If there are any other females who would like to talk, I love to make contact, unfortunately the one draw back at the moment is there are not many women coming forward for help, so it can be lonely journey. Cat
  5. 1 point
    Hi. Just wanted to connect and see how you are getting on.
  6. 1 point
    So here we are again. Yet again trying to kick my habit, before my life crumbles around me and I'm left with nothing. I'm teetering on the edge of dispair and even know my brain is telling me that ill be better off on my own, I know it's because it doesn't want to face the pain. I need this, my life needs to get back on track and I must stop hurting the people I love the most. I have been a porn addict for over a decade now. At first when I was in my teens, I just thought it was normal. I never linked it the childhood trauma, I thought i just had a very high sex drive. When I couldn't get what I wanted (sex) I would turn to porn, that eventually led to darken and swapping intimate pictures of my wife. Then when I thought i couldn't get any lower it was then adultery, then it deepened further to paying for sex. I have been in therapy, and whilst it initially helped I think what I needed was a support network, and this is why I failed to stop acting out. Even though I confronted my worst memories, but I don't think I ever overcame them. What can I do to overcome a memory of my father trying to take his own life, I remember everything about that day like it happened 30 minutes ago. The walk from my friends house, the items I was carrying after a sleep over, the day was sunny, barely a breeze. Then when I was by the lamp post half way up the alleyway that's when I saw the ambulance. At first my thought was oh it must be Muriel My elderly neighbour. Then I realised they were in our house. The pure panic and devastation that ensured has never been discussed between me and my dad. Now we're not even talking. I've been thinking of sending a letter, spilling my heart out like I never have before, but if i get nothing back will I just spiral out of control? What if he's not in a good place and he tried it again? But here we are, after being caught watching porn again and betraying my wife's trust. I need to kick this habit. I'm going to use this forum/thread just to spill my emotions. It maybe what I need. Tomorrow I'm seeing a GP about getting referred for help. So tomorrow is day 1. My first challenge is 30 days, small steps, completely porn and masturbation free. But small steps can help you climb mountains. If there is one thing I've learnt is that physical challenges are easy, but fighting your own mind is something I've always failed at. I've downloaded a motivational app, NoFap. Maybe what I need in the heat of the moment is something to remind me what's at stake. So here is my journey to redemption.
  7. 1 point
    So things are changing. Yesterday I had a very emotional day and it is something that in the past would have seen me running to screw anyone and everyone just to get through. But I didn't, I have woken up today and know I'm clean. I haven't woken up with those feelings of despising myself. It is a strange feeling, but nice in a way as well. I've also got rid of more of my fb and hidden myself on my hook up site. I know you are asking why I haven't cancelled it and deleted everything......I can't right now, the thought of having nothing else there is too scary right now. But it does mean I won't be getting loads of offers and messages through the day. Update over........thanks for letting me just waffle on. It is helping.
  8. 1 point
    Yeah. I've been hiding so long that it is scary coming into the light even with one person who knows me properly.
  9. 1 point
    I made a step forward last night. I opened up to one of my best friends about my addiction. They blew my mind away with their support. There was no condemnation or judgement, just concern and real worry that I may have been hurt or taken advantage of because of it. It feels good to have made that step, another move from the shadows and secrecy that can fuel this more.
  10. 1 point
    Thank you very much for the shout-out for my recoveringpornaddict.com website...helping you, especially those first couple weeks, has been just as rewarding to me and has been a big part of my recovery. Once you move beyond these early phases, I have no doubt that you'll be there for others the way you feel I was there for you. My final bit of advice to you publicly -- though I hope you'll continue to check in with me privately from time to time -- is that you are in charge of your recovery. Your sponsor can guide you, these boards can guide you, SAA can guide you, I can guide you, but ultimately this is a trip that you take on your own. If you feel like you're every with the wrong therapist, or wrong sponsor, or getting bad advice from someone, it's OK to make changes. Just because there are "experts" and those with "experience" out there doesn't mean that they have the answers for YOU. I always encourage people to try everything and talk to as many people as possible because that's how you find what works for YOU. I say good luck to you for the things outside of yourself that you can control, but I don't think you need too much luck when it comes to you. You'll be fine.
  11. 1 point
    A p.s. to my 'bye for now' posting. Anyone who stumbles across my ramblings and feel they need help with their own sex/porn addiction - well done for thinknig that. It is the first and most important step to think you might need some help. Over the eight weeks since I hit absolute bottom, I have started a spiritual journey. I have, with a heck of a traumatic shock to me and my nearest and dearest, come to stark realisation that I have a problem. I want to get better. I have a few things that have been good for me and I'd like to share them. These may or may not work for you but they worked for me. Move your PC to a shared part of the house e.g. only use it in the kitchen, somewhere where you wouldn't look at porn.Delete your porn, your accounts (to sites, to secret email accounts etc) and your browser histories - all of it. Use Ccleaner to permanently get rid of all that; that way you won't be tempted to look at things and you are less likely to try and get it all back.If you're technically minded, set your internet router to block adult sites or block internet altogether after e.g. 9 pm. If you're not too sure about that try some software like netnanny.Get to Sex Addicts Anonymous. I have done and it is the best decision I could have made; there are people who care and understand. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! https://saa-recovery.org/ or http://saauk.info/en/ Please please try this; even if you don't talk for your first few meetings please reach out.If you can afford it, get a therapist and BE 100% HONEST WITH THEM. If you can't afford it, contact some anyway and say about your finances, they might be able to offer something anyway.Have a look here - https://recoveringpornaddict.com/ This guy contacted me via a UK based forum but he is in the US, he is lovely and is good to talk to for someone who has been to rock bottom and climbed out the other side a better person. Take care all of you. P.
  12. 1 point
    That's a very wise thing to say. It wasn't until I was in rehab that I could actually trace my addictive behavior back to being a kid. The guy who ended up with the alcohol and porn was the same one who needed to collect over 200K sports cards when he was 10 or had to beat every videogame he owned the day he got it when he was 12. He was the one who would work 80 hours a week to impress the boss at 22. I knew that my biggest challenge was kicking my addictive personality more than my specific addictions. Alcohol could become food and porn could become gambling very easily. Are those worse? It's really just a matter of semantics. I don't want to end up on a gambling message board anymore than I wanted to end up on a porn one.
  13. 1 point
    TODAY’S ACTIVITIES Read blue card. Read Just for Today. Read text from Tools for Recovery Called and spoke with Brendan and Lloyd Attended SAA Swindon. Walked through first draft of my circles with Sponsor Steve. GRATITUDE LIST A reasonable sleep A good shower My wife still communicating with me Stimulating bit of work Fresh air Pleasant lunch Speaking with Brendan Speaking with Lloyd Good SAA meeting Nice hotel
  14. 1 point
    Thanks for this. I'll try and check it out. I just wish porn was my biggest challenge, but unfortunately I crossed it to reality far to long ago. I hope you are managing your stuff. And really do appreciate you taking the time to respond.
  15. 1 point
    Had a really big wobble today. The fact my landlady had asked me to leave felt unproportionally bad, especially when I take into account that there are a few things I don't really like about the house where I rent a room. I did what I could to get better. I looked for another room, I contacted advertisers of rooms, I went to look at a room. I also said to landlady I prefer to leave as early as possible. I don't want to be somewhere where I am not welcome. She was not happy, but I cannot influence that. Thankful for speaking with Dave today; I am so grateful for having numbers of SAA fellows. Saw my therapist. We ended up talking about a whole load of stuff that wasn't really on her 'to talk about' list. Spoke more about how me and my wife have never really spoken about really important things and how I feel that she (my wife) focuses on negative aspects which causes me to avoid talking. I was asked "why did you marry your wife?". It should be a really easy answer, but I stopped, I had nothing. Right now I know I love her, but why did I marry her in the first place? Expectations perhaps, someone had made themselves available to me? Also spoke about my bisexuality; about how I have no desire to emotionally attach with men and that my interests were basically like a porn hunt, desire to find someone to talk about fantasies with and that I treated men like female sex workers - no interest in anything emotional, just wanted to have sex and basically didn't care which gender. Therapist suggested that she thinks I am heterosexual because a bisexual person has loving and emotional connections with either gender. Now sat in a hotel a couple of hours away from home/lodging as there is a last minute early morning workshop to attend. Busy busy busy. Thank you for letting me ramble. TODAY'S ACTIVITIES Read the blue card, read Just for Today, read Tools for Recovery, read 12 steps and 12 traditions Spoke to Dave and James GRATITUDE LIST The blue card Tea spareroom.com Dave from SAA My sponsor Mum Looking for a new lodging - something I can influence Work colleagues Getting a hotel Driving
  16. 1 point
    Hey guys, not really sure what to put here, guess i should have read other posts first. Il just type and see where it takes me. So decided to start a thread and reach out to my fellow sex/porn addicts. I have over the last two days reached the dreaded (my partner) has left me stage, relationship lasted 5 years on this occasion. Prior to this, i knew i cared for her but was very confused over whether i loved my partner or not. You know how our brains work so freaking hard to push us away from the ones we love most. I honestly thought i didn't love her, but would say i love her to myself over and over. My brain/the addiction constantly convinced me into thinking she's not the right one for me, or shes not the right body type or she just doesn't understand porn addiction, or she's losing too much weight or putting on too much weight, the list goes on. She eventually left me few days ago and that's that. Now shes gone, all i can think of is the hell i have put her through and i am seeing more and more connections between my behaviours and porn and how i see woman as a whole. Its fucked from the ground up but i am determined to fight this and beat it. Prior to this week i managed to go for nearly a month without porn, was hard but currently back on the bandwagon over the last 24 hours. Day one of no porn begins tomorrow, wish me luck, need to save up for a rehab placement ideally. Quick question while i'm here, anyone tried Hypnosis to fight this addiction we have? PS Sorry if my grammar is crap.
  17. 1 point
    Ok, it’s started, I’ve properly started with my 12 step SAA programme. Might be coincidence, but today has probably been my calmest day since hitting rock bottom 6 weeks and 6 days ago. One thing that I am starting to get an understanding of, is that I really don’t have any control or influence over the choices that my wife makes. I know that everything here is my fault, that I have caused it, but I don’t have any power over whether she lets me see the children, whether she lets me do some jobs at home such as mowing the grass, whether she gets support from anyone, whether she sorts her access to our joint bank account… nothing is what I have influence over. What I can do is sort my nonsense out. I can take steps to come to terms with my offence, I can take steps with SAA to recover from my selfish behaviours and commit to not doing them again, I can stay with therapy to find deep root causes and to manage some of the obsessions in my head. It’s a really cr@ppy way for it to happen, but if I really an work through this then I can be a better person, which should make me a better father, son, brother and (possibly) husband… which will hopefully translate on to all the people that my behaviour has affected. I suppose the only down side with feeling a bit buoyant is that I am bound to have a rubbish day at some point, but I hope I can ride it. I made calls to SAA fellows and took calls from SAA fellows today and it all really helps. Spoke to my new sponsor too – Steve. I think he will work me hard, but it really is all down to me. Had a lovely walk with Lily the dog this morning. Out for well over an hour and a half walking across park, fields, bridleway and footpath. She got muddy, wet and rolled in horse poop and needed one hell of a bath afterwards. But I loved it all! TODAY’S ACTIVITIES Read SAA blue card, SAA ‘Just for Today’, some pages from ‘Tools for Recovery’ booklet, some pages from ‘The Porn Trap’; Reviewed yesterday’s gratitude list. Rang fellows: Wayne (voicemail), Kevin, Ross (vmail). Took fellow’s calls: Alan, Simon. Took some time out whilst Dad played some tennis. Read some pages from SAA green book. TODAY’S GRATITUDE LIST Cup of tea in bed from Dad (ha ha – you can tell I’m English) Walking Lily the dog Still, clear, wonderful fresh air Bathing Lily the dog Talking through the first activities of my programme with my sponsor Fresh cooked brunch Speaking with Kevin Taking calls from Alan and Simon Making a mini plan to help Simon Steak Mum and Dad’s love Staying sober for today
  18. 1 point
    Bit of a mundane journal for today, I'm afraid. Now that I have a sponsor for SAA, I think logging a run-of-the-mill is going to become normal. I'm sure it will get supplemented by some other moments of high, low and in between. Woke with a start with Lily (the Cocker Spaniel) barking like a loon. I'm at my parents this weekend and have brought Lily over. My wife isn't coping too well with everything as I'm out of the house and so my parents are having Lily for a while. Took her out for a long walk. Really missed doing this, it is great to get some air in my lungs and just walk with her. Also took my camera (just a little compact today) and took some nice pics to much about with later. Before I went out, Mum said "Don't talk to any strange men". She has said this jokingly all my life. She then went "oh, sorry I didn't mean anything" and was rather embarrassed. Made me properly LOL though as she realised the different significance such a comment might now play. I'm sure comments like that won't play any part in recovery or lack thereof. Took the opportunity to call some SAA fellows towards the end of the walk, but all voicemails. Clearly Saturday morning is not the best tie to be making calls. I'll have to increase my list of numbers. Mum and Dad are season ticket holders at local football team (soccer, for any US readers I went with them today and oh my gosh what a dull game it was. So much so that I fell asleep as soon as we got back to their house. Annoying as it meant I missed a humdinger of a game on the TV. Was pleased to get a text from my Sister asking me for a drink. Met up with her and had a good chat about things going on - both with her as well as me. She said I seemed to be in a nice place (mentally) at the moment which feels about right. Apart from the depressive feeling I get first thing in the morning and when waves of emotions come over me, generally she is right. I've not felt like I've scowled in ages. As I said, mundane journal entry today. Thank you for letting me ramble. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GRATITUDE LIST Sat 7/4/18 Waking up Lily the dog Mum's amusing climb down after comment The woods near Mum & Dad The woodpecker Dogs running and playing together Pork pie Dad driving to football Michelle asking me for drink Attractive bar maid and no obsessing Listening ears of parents Read a little bit of SAA's 'Tools of Recovery' and 'The Porn Trap' Called Ross, Simon (not M), Nick H, Jamie B, Alan, Julian, Steve B - all voicemails Took call from Simon M Missed calls from Ross, Simon (not M), Steve B --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  19. 1 point
    So, if you are anything like me I bet you've found yourself here desperately looking for an answer, desperately looking for reassurance that real people get through this, and that this isn't the end of everything as you know it. I remember, sitting there where you are 4 months ago. I had just discovered my husband's sex addiction, and looking back it was the most surreal moment of my life. We'd been together 6 years, married for just over a year, and had just bought a house together. Life in my eyes was "perfect"......planning the future together, wondering what colour we could paint the bathroom, talking about when we'd start a family. Then came the discovery. I won't go into great detail as I understand everyone has their own story, but I found out my husband had a porn addiction, had wracked up a huge amount of debt and had been sleeping with prostitutes. I had every question go through my mind, "why would he do this to me? how could I be so blind, how could I not know? Could I have an STI? Could I be infertile? How are we going to pay this debt?" etc etc. I have never felt so low, or so lost in my whole life. The feeling was overwhelming. It was all rather dramatic, the whole "GET OUT I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" sort of drama. His addiction started long before we met, and I found out more recently it has stemmed from a life time of depression, anxiety and just generally feeling very low about life, this addiction was his way of dealing with it. I just would like to reassure you, this is real life, people do go through this, and people do get through this. Currently my husband and I have decided to stay together, I am keeping a very open mind, I may decide to pack up and leave at any given point and I have every right to. My husband has a lot of work to do and as long as he sticks to the straight and narrow we should be fine as a couple, more than fine, we should become stronger as a couple. I have been there, where you are. I have had the shame of telling family and close friends, my work. I have had to deal with many situations rippling from this, the effects it has on others, the opinions of others, it's not easy. The sitting there questioning everything you know, questioning how you are going to get through this, not knowing where to start or what to do next. The best piece of advice I was given from someone on this forum is "look after yourself" and that is what I did 100%, and I continue to do. There have been so many ups and downs along the way, and sometimes I have felt like leaving, I have felt like changing the locks on the doors, but somehow found the strength to carry on and you will too. I bought Paula Hall's book for partners, and remember reading it, nodding along to every page like "yes, yes this makes sense, yes this sounds familiar" My husband bought the book for addicts which I found him reacting in the same way. Now, please don't feel that I am here to advertise her work, I am just very much in awe of her work, I am so grateful that all this help exists. This forum, the books, the youtube videos - they have genuinely saved our marriage. My husband and I both have counselling (separate counsellors) who are trained specifically in sex addiction.- who were in fact trained by Paula Hall. Get as much help as you can, you won't regret it, it has helped me in ways I didn't even know were possible. Life will get better, no matter whether you decide to stay with your partner or not. It won't be easy, but it'll get better. I had to slow down, and take life one day at a time. We both have an amazing support network around us which helps immensely. Look after yourself, do whatever you feel the need to do, have a good support network and try and get help as and when you are ready. Please feel free to message me if needed, I am quite happy to talk more about my experience, and how life has been over the last few months. Hang on in there, you're doing the best you can. xx
  20. 1 point
    So officially day 1, thought I'd be full of optimism but it started bad. Woke up all hazy, disorientated and recovering from some harrowing dreams, I wasn't surprised as I knew I was going to have to talk about my mental health with someone. I know I was panicking, looking for a route out. I went straight to an app that I thought would help, but no memes would help me here. The whole time I was getting ready my mind was telling me to run, just pretend to go to the Dr, go get a coffee, no one will know. No one but me, who is desperate to finally beat this. If I give in now ill never start my road to recovery. It took a lot to walk in to the surgery take a seat and wait. I could feel my heart pounding, my temperature started to rise as I could just feel my cheeks blushing. My name was called and I followed a young female Dr into the room, my instant thought was how the f*ck is she going to understand? She will probably just think I'm some kind of pervert. As I sat there I thought just make something up and walk out. I opened my mouth and said I'm still having huge issues with my mental health. Tears welled up and I tried to not cry but it was like trying to cover a burst watermain. Without about 30 seconds and a few words I was a mess, but I had said it. The Dr just sat there and said she will help me, it's just what I needed to hear. After I calmed down I told her about my whole addiction to porn, prostitution and that I need my life back. It's not been mine since I was about 13. I could see the pain in her eyes looking at me but she called a more experienced doctor in, we sat down and talked about my options, what the NHS can offer and medication. I took the leaflet to get help but I won't take medication, not unless I'm at the point of self harm and because of past experiences i don't think I ever will, just like letting my children see me drunk, I won't let that happen. They can't see the things I've seen. I walked away from that building on a high, I felt like this was the beginning and I made a step even though my mind was screaming at me not to. I started to think the 'me' that uses porn is an alter ego, someone I'm not and i need to lock him out of the house, he no longer has the keys, they're mine. If he comes back in it's because I've let him. I know this won't be easy but I need to fight him and all he represents. This may not be a good clinical assessment of my mind but it helps me if I think I'm physically fighting the 'me' of old and every characteristic he represents. After that I told the wife about the help I could get, and then had the most amazing day with her and the kids. It was full of laughter and smiles (a few tantrums from the kids but that's normal When they've had too many treats). I also found last night that having a bath relaxes me, it opens up my mind and helps me get perspective. I'll definitely be having more, I just need to find out what works for me. Same as physical challenges, I've never been a gym goer but in my last job I exceeded everyone's expectations on arduous tasks, I never let my size beat me, I'm built like a runner but I can out perform stronger and faster guys because I just have the mental spirit to never give up on something physical. I just need that attitude with locking him out. This house is mine. So to end it was a positive day, one step at a time. The next task must be the letter, not sure if I can get it done in one day or one week, but I need to maybe count my dreams as they dance around me, one by one put them down in writing and send it away. It's not all my fathers fault, he was the beginning, I was the one that took that issue and ran with it until I'm at the point where I won't run.
  21. 1 point
    Hey Desperate...I'm sure you felt a little bit better after sharing that. Please continue to share. You might even consider starting a blog. It's been a key part of my recovery. You've clearly got some issues with your father and while you're right that they MAY never be resolved, I can guarantee they WILL NOT be resolved if you don't try. Simply by the act of reaching out, even if you're rebuffed, you can clear you conscience that you tried to begin the process of making peace. There are probably a lot of things he doesn't want, or constitutionally can't share, but it's still worth the effort for you to try. I wouldn't spill your heart out in a letter, but rather say you'd like to get together or have a phone call and do it in a more personal forum so you can read the situation and keep it safe for yourself. If you're worried about him trying it again, well, you're not the problem. It seems like an extreme excuse to avoid reaching out, IMO. If you feel you need a support network, they exist. Sex Addict Anonymous and Sexoholics Anonymous are two places to start. Your GP may have more knowledge of what's in your area. Obviously, he should refer you to another therapist. If you have the means and can go more than once a week at first, that's great. Have you actually thought about some kind of inpatient or outpatient rehab? Are you really desperate to kick the habit or do you just feel really bad that you were caught again? It's an important question to answer. You don't have a habit. You can have an addiction and an addict's minds work in strange ways. Like you said, fighting your mind is difficult. NoFap is cool if it works for you. I don't completely agree with their messaging and sometimes feel like they and a few other companies out there are more about selling T-shirts and other trinkets than they are about helping. Good luck, man. I'll be following.
  22. 1 point
    Hello outofwishes, Just checking in with you. How are you getting on? P.
  23. 1 point
    Prior to your conviction, they just want to know where you are. They probably won't show up for searches or anything like that. After your conviction, they'll be more likely to check in with you...you can almost guarantee it. But in my experience, it's not invasive. It's just making sure that you are saying where you'll be and making sure there aren't any obvious problems with that place.
  24. 1 point
    Thanks Anon, its good to hear that there can be light at the end of the tunnel and its not just an express train coming straight for me! You are so right about the good advice to 'take care of yourself' and I am trying to do that. We've been together 39 years and married for 36. I discovered his 'addiction' at the beginning of December tho I know that he has been sexting a colleague before and watched porn. I thought it had been going on for about 14 years off and on. When he got found out this time I believe he thought that he could carry on after placating me for a few weeks. He soon knew I was serious about divorce and then started taking HIS problem seriously. I'm not sure that monthly counselling sessions are quite enough though. When I asked him how long the porn thing had been going on for I was shocked when he said for most of our marriage! At the moment I'm hanging in there. Still couldn't tell you if I'll be here this time next year or not. One day at a time!
  25. 1 point
    Here is a list of various links and websites I've collected over the past year or so as I've been tackling my problem with porn. I hope they're useful for other guys who come here maybe not knowing very much about porn and sex addiction so you can understand: You're not the only person with this problem at allThere is help out there and it's never too late to changeWebsite Resources Am I an addict? - A quick test if you're not sure. What is Porn Addiction? - A breakdown if you're just getting started learning about this problem. Emergency NoFap - A useful quick inspirational site when you're feeling triggered or tempted to remind you why you're becoming a better man. Homepage for me. Your Brain On Porn - Huge website containing many resources to educate yourself about the effect of porn on the brain and to get help. Reboot Nation - Gabe Deem's website containing another great set of resources and a forum. Recovery Nation - Free self-help website for sex addicts, love addicts and porn addicts. Fight the New Drug - Buy a t-shirt. Great set of educational material and an eye-opener. Porn Addiction is the Best Thing That Happened To Me - Great end-to-end set of resources from a guy who's done it. My Thoughts On Rebooting - Very long and detailed set of notes and crucial advice from another guy who's been there and mastered himself. Great stuff. If you've got an hour to look at porn, you've got an hour to read all this. 50 Reasons to Quit Porn For Good - So many benefits to be gained from shifting this addiction out of your life. The Recovery Workshop - Self-directed recovery workshop resource. YouTube Videos The Great Porn Experiment - Arguably the most revolutionary and revealing TEDx talk about the real nature of pornography and it's impact from Gary Wilson. A must watch if you see nothing else! Terry Crews Dirty Little Secret: Part 1 - Hugely inspirational and brutal self-honesty from Mr Crews, much love and respect to him. A great man who's been making real change. Follow the YouTube links to part 2 onwards. Why I Stopped Watching Porn - Another brilliant TEDx talk to help you see how things really are. Huge respect to Mr Gavrieli to deliver such a worldclass talk on such a personal topic to so many people. We Need to Talk About Sex Addiction - Paula's fantastic TEDx talk, honestly and compassionately understanding sex addiction. Other Online Forums Your Brain Rebalanced - Huge community of other guys struggling to get their lives back after porn and sexual addiction problems. Reboot Nation Forum - Many people here to connect with, mostly addicts but also a small and growing partner's section.