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Hi Bluebell, I’m so sorry that you find yourself here. I can feel your pain. I have sadly discovered there are many of us, some never share their story, so well done for doing just that! My story is on this forum. I was devastated when I found out about my husband’s secret world. He had a lot of therapy, and still is, and is now understanding his actions and the impact this has had on his life, and mine. It is hard when we have lived a happy life with our partner, then to learn it was not as it seemed. Firstly, I have learned, that is not our fault. Secondly, it is for him to fix himself, and for you to put yourself first. Something I still struggle with. There are lots of good resources on this site, and other sites on the internet. I have read so many books, and papers and forums. My head understands now, but my heart hasn’t quite caught up. I’m still a work in progress! please practice self care, that is important. big hugs xx

He has been to court, pleaded guilty, as the evidence is clear, ‘she’ wrote in messages that ‘she’was 13. His messed up mind didn’t even register it. ‘She’ sent a photo of ‘herself’, 18 year old, according to the decoy.....covering herself against being charged for illegal images, or was it really a pic of someone aged 18??? she spoke to him on the phone - actual age 30! I heard her on the video, clearly a full grown woman who smoked!! He never pretended to be anyone other than who is is. Who cares???? It seems the written word is the more powerful one. Who cares that it was an adult pretending to be a child, with an adult brain, someone intent on carrying out a sting for public entertainment? The law is the law. Yes, there will be ‘mitigating’ circumstances, but he has already damaged his life. He is now on the sex offenders register and will be sentenced next month. The court didn’t tell him to report to the police station, I did. He didn’t even know what he needed to take. What the hell???? We have a broken legal system, or one that wants to trip people up right from the off. I am angry that I am STILL having to look out for him. He lives so far away, living his new life, and he can’t even sort out something that could have landed him being arrested again. He has physically and mentally deteriorated. Is still suffering from severe depression. Authorities are concerned about him killing himself, I’m worried about that too, and consumed by worry and fear. But no one in authority gives a damn. 2, yes 2 physiologist reports show zero interest in children, and zero risk. We haven’t even been able to get beyond this to be able to sit together and really talk through the rest of it, the hurt and betrayal I feel with regards to his hookups. His secrets. His secret life. I have been in this hell for 18 months now. There have been times of calm, waiting, hoping. But now I can feel no hope. This sex addiction is truly dangerous and destructive. Where is the education?? My head understands addiction, the fact that he does love me, but my heart doesn’t understand. I don’t know how I can keep going. It’s all a mess. When will I be allowed to heal. My plea to you all is to stop them getting further and further into addiction. There are evil people out there. And a legal system that is broken, with many people who really don’t care. Make them read what can happen.....my husband didn’t choose this path, he was taken down it by his addiction. Sorry this is a ramble, but my experience has surely got to do some good for someone. I’m helpless with regards to my life, but want to help someone else. X