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I agree with Ruby in that I want to know everything rather than imagine it. Also to see who it is I am married to. I wrote four pages of questions down and let him read them first. Then we sat down and went through them one at a time. i didn’t get all the answers I wanted so there are still more. I think writing them down stops the anger to an extent so that the conversation is calmer and you are in control. I still have to find out exactly what my husband had watched. So far I know it involves Asian girls having sex. We lived in Asia for many years and the sex industry was always very much on our doorstep. When I ask for details he says he can’t remember. Sadly this may be true as he suffered a brain virus last summer which has affected his memory. But it may also be a good excuse and a way out for him. However, I need to keep asking the questions until I am happy that I know what I need to know. The worst thing for me is that I have been living in a sexless marriage for many years.... he blamed me because I had an affair 35 years ago! How sad is that? I was 30. look after yourselves girls. Xx

Oh Ruby, dear! Your situation sounds so very painful and i am so sorry to hear you have been hit with such horrendous discovery. Although my husband has been acting out with women I know that at least on two occasions there was another man present as well. He says it was only to observe his performance.... (I feel sick!) It is impossible for my brain to digest it and I have stopped trying to do that. All I need to know is that he has a problem, that he acknowledges he has a problem and that he is actively working on recovery. One thing I can not recommend strongly enough is to be careful what questions you are asking because once you know that information, you are suck with it and it can be much more damaging than useful. I now truly regret knowing some things. And I understand that in the beginning you are just hurting so much that you think nothing else will hurt me more, i just need to know... Therapeutic disclosure might be the least damaging way for you to have answers to your questions. As for 'not looking backwards' bit, it makes me so angry!! My husband often says that, 'why cant we just move forward?, why cant you stop looking back?'. And I feel like screaming 'Why couldn't you stop for all those years? Why coudn't you!!!' You are not alone Rudy, sadly there are many beautiful, successful, once joyful and happy women whose lifes has been torn apart by sex addiction. Take care of yourself, do what is right for you, take one day at the time. It's a long journey to recovery but there is a recovery. Love and hugs.