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While gaslighting may be something he's doing, if you looked in my spam folder you'd think I buy tires all the time, have a garden, want to be on a game show and yes, engage in behavior outside my marriage. Odds are, it's spam. I know when I did anything demanding an email address, I created a new one. Nothing under my regular email address has anything to do with my behavior of years earlier. It just shows I'm on too many mailing lists.

Hi Kate, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. As another partner of a sex addict I can absolutely sympathise with your need to search and your confusion. Non-committal answers are never satisfying and do little to build trust. I don't know technically whether that email contact could have saved but it could be possible. I've been down all sorts of digital rabbit holes and never quite got to the bottom of things (e.g. dating apps showing up on his Google Play account history, but no evidence of ever having been downloaded onto his most recent phone at least, and he doesn't remember ever downloading them). My therapist suggested there could also be a certain level of amnesia in simply not remembering his actions at the height of his addiction. Only last week did I unearth a conversation with a camgirl that was a year old, when we both thought we'd been through all his history and accounts with a fine-toothed comb, and he didn't remember using his personal email account for such activities. Anyway what I'm saying is, unfortunately you may never get a satisfying answer to the issue with the email contacts. I think all you can do is try and find the things that are meant to rebuild trust. My partner and I are working towards a therapeutic disclosure (have you read Paula Hall's book for partners?). Even then I don't know if I'll feel satisfied that I've had the truth. I'm as impatient as ever to have all my questions answered, but I know I have to be patient because I need to know my partner has had enough therapy and got far enough along with his own recovery to understand why disclosure and honesty is so important.