Maire

[Maire]

Im lost as where to start . other than im consist my partner is a sex addicte. As he is constantly on porn or site that are just for sex .  i have spoken to him but he and he promises that he want do it any more bit still carrys on know how much it hurts me . he dosent do it in front of and and he is always trying to hide it . he says he love me and we have even moved in togetter . i think i shouldnt have no tho . because it seems that im just another tool to him . can you help me please . 

 

[Christine]

Hi Maire

Thank you for having the courage to write on the forum, it is clear that you care deeply for your partner and you can see he needs support to understand how much this is affecting your relationship. However, unless he recognises that what he is doing is causing harm in the relationship then he may not want to acknowledge that he may have an issue. Initially, if you have not done so already, it might be helpful for you to discuss what is acceptable and not acceptable within the relationship. Then to agree boundaries and what will happen if the boundaries are not maintained. So, if looking at porn is not acceptable within the relationship then that is agreed and if this is not maintained then you agree how this will be managed; for example, he agrees to look at whether his behaviour is harming both him and the relationship because it is out of control, and/or you agree to not have physical contact until he stops using porn a couple of months. This is not a question of whether porn is right or wrong it is a question of whether the behaviour is causing harm, it sounds like it is causing pain and impacting upon how you feel within the relationship.  You might find the following helpful; www.pornaddictionhelp.co.uk, www.yourbrainonporn.com and the book Sex Addiction: The Partner's Perspective.