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jb1989

Getting sick of jumping on the bandwagon again.

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Hey guys,   not really sure what to put here, guess i should have read other posts first. Il just type and see where it takes me. 

So decided to start a thread and reach out to my fellow sex/porn addicts. I have over the last two days reached the dreaded (my partner) has left me stage, relationship lasted 5 years on this occasion. Prior to this, i knew i cared for her but was very confused over whether i loved my partner or not. You know how our brains work so freaking hard to push us away from the ones we love most.  I honestly thought i didn't love her,  but would say i love her to myself over and over.  My brain/the addiction constantly convinced me into thinking she's not the right one for me, or shes not the right body type or she just doesn't understand porn addiction, or she's losing too much weight or putting on too much weight, the list goes on. She eventually left me few days ago and that's that.  Now shes gone, all i can think of is the hell i have put her through and i am seeing more and more connections between my behaviours and porn and how i see woman as a whole. Its fucked from the ground up but i am determined to fight this and beat it. Prior to this week i managed to go for nearly a month without porn, was hard but currently back on the bandwagon over the last 24 hours. Day one of no porn begins tomorrow, wish me luck, need to save up for a rehab placement ideally. 

 

Quick question while i'm here, anyone tried Hypnosis to fight this addiction we have?

PS Sorry if my grammar is crap.

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Not sure how much help this is, but I know that my addiction (currently I'm off the stuff, but you know...) was part of other problems in my life generally. Right now my life is crumbling around me because of where the addiction lead, but I'm convinced that I need to do more than just stop the addiction once I get to the rebuilding bit (hey, how positive am I?). I know that loneliness and depression were part of it, but I was dealing with those so that wasn't all it was. I've got to say that, over the last months, I've looked very hard at my life and the people around me and am looking at more fundamental change.

You are very down on yourself in your post - and we pretty much all are here - so maybe look at that; I think looking at any addiction in isolation and just trying to change that behaviour, at best leads to a life of frustration and denial; it's not about not looking at porn, it's about not wanting to look at porn. Soz if that's all a bit obvious :)  

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