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Cheesecake

How do you move on and heal

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I have just come out of a two year relationship with a porn addict. I found out a year into the relationship but he did the usual I'll change thing but I found out he had of course lied and the behaviour continued for the second year of the relationship too. When I found out he could lie to me for so long I felt broken and like I didn't know him at all. 

 

Over the time I had been with him my self esteem grew smaller and smaller as did my self image. Is there just some men who perhaps just don't have the capacity for empathy to see how much their behaviour has hurt their partner? He still seems to think we broke up because of other reasons as though he is in denial. To begin with he was admitting he had an addiction and seeking help (when he thought I was going to give the relationship another chance) but then he changed his story  and called it a little habit he does in his private time and that all men do it... I actually think he is being very manipulative with me and I think him even going into therapy is manipulative to try to win me back rather than believing he has a problem which he needs help with. I have no intention of working on the relationship as I know I do not want to marry and have children with this person. For reference I am 30 and he is 39. I was aware of my dads porn habit growing up and I fear being in a relationship with similarities has made me feel scared and wary of all men. As my ex kept putting into my head how normal his behaviour was when my body was telling me no and I ended up suffering with anxiety and insomnia for 12 months. I was wondering what steps people have taken to heal themselves from this experience? Once you decide to leave the addict how do you heal and hope for a healthier relationship in the future? How would you even know if the next person is a porn addict? I'm a month into this madness so I guess I'm feeling pretty raw right now 

Edited by Cheesecake

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Hi Cheesecake.

Addicts can be deep in denial, can be very manipulative and deceitful.  I am sorry for your sad experience.  Life can be crap at times.

I don't have much to say, except that I hope you find the answers to your questions.  There are men out there who aren't addicted to sex, or are in long-term recovery.  I hope you find one that loves you and whom you fall in love with too.

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