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i have the urge to get my girlfriend to take part in a threesome,2 men and her,ive done this in almost every relationship I’ve ever had,my girlfriend has now finished with me because she thinks it’s weird and totally wrong that I would want to watch her being fucked by other men,I also have a bad habit of texting other women even though I don’t want them in the slightest,I love my girlfriend and her kids with all my heart but she now finished with me and it’s made me realise I neeed help if I want to try and win her back.

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You describe a few different things here.

You want something, even if it's just passive attention from these other women. You wouldn't do it for no reason. People don't work that way. You may just not know, or want to admit the reason to yourself. In a committed relationship, you shouldn't be doing this.

As for your sexual fantasies, you should be able to share them with your girlfriend without her flipping out. If she says, "No, I don't want to do that" you either respect it or you move on. In a healthy relationship, each people have boundaries, and they are respected, but so is open communication. Do you think its this or the texting that sent her away?

Do you really feel like you need help - if so, for what? Or do you feel like you need to get help in order to win her back?

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You’ve given me more problems than help,looking at all the posts you comment on I’m just wondering if your a councillor,or just someone with a massive amount of knowledge 

Edited by Nick

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Sometimes dealing with our problems are what lead us to help. I'm a journalist by trade. I don't have the patience to get the licensing to be a counselor, unfortunately. I am a porn addict who has been in recovery and worked with fellow addicts for years, I've written a book about my experiences, run a website about porn addiction (RecoveringPornAddict.com) and I'm also one of the most well-read people I've met on the subject. Apologies if you feel like I hurt more than I helped. My bluntness is one of the things that makes me not want to enter the therapeutic field.

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Hi Nick,

   it is hard to open up about these things but doing that here is a good first step if you do want to get help and change things in your relationships, what Josh is saying is valuable in that your motivation has to be to change for YOU firstly and most importantly as we can only change ourselves with this strong inner conviction, not if it’s only for someone else.

       what you describe does sound like compulsive sexual behaviours i.e texting women you don’t want even though you know it could cause problems in your relationship, would suggest it’s the attention (which gives a buzz) that your chasing and that’s what you would need to look into, why do you crave that attention. Try googling or even just reading other men’s stories here who have these issues, I’ve  read a lot on this due to my partner and also come from a family of an addict and have my own ‘compulsive behaviours’  not to say I’m any kind of expert at all but just trying to help. 

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