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Where to start....  I'm 57 and my addiction to porn and chat sites has cost me my relationship.  

It started about 20 years ago and what started as a bit of titillation has reached sickening proportions.  The porn and chat I seek out has become more and more extreme and no subject is taboo.  I kept it all a secret and spend hours every day feeding this pathetic addiction.  Things got even worse when I was made redundant at Christmas and I would panic if I left my phone at home when I went out.

 The inevitable has now happened and my partner has discovered my perverted secret. As a result we are splitting up with threats that I won't be able to see my 10 year old son because of the risk that he will be exposed to pornography.

I'm now at rock bottom and don't know where to turn.  No job, no family and no one to talk to about this

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Hi Andy

Boy, its a grim place isn't.  Many of us have been in a similar situation.  It is a crappy place and I am sorry you are there at this moment.

There is hope though.  First of all, many are of the opinion that the only hope of escaping such addiction is by hitting rock bottom.  It's crap that that is the case, but at least we can see a ray of hope in the mess, however slight a ray it is.

It sounds to me that you need support asap.  Do you have some friends to reach out to?  I know it can be scary confiding in people, but in my experience they have been a lifeline.

It is good that you have come on here.  There are a load of resources.  Rob has put a list of many here: http://paulahall.co.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/505-online-resources-for-addicts-wanting-help/  I would highly recommend Paula's book on sex addiction too.

I would also suggest you find a twelve step group.  I have been going to one for about 2 years.  There are 3 such 12 step programmes for sex addiction in the UK  - sexaholics anonymous, sex addicts anonymous and sex and love addicts anonymous.  Each programme is v. slightly different in approach although they all follow the AA 12 steps.  Not only that but groups vary even within the same programme.  They also take a few weeks to getting used to.  So I would recommend trying one out for a few weeks, if it doesn't work for you, then try another group if there is one near enough.  I go to SAA and it works well for me.  There are many of us out there - come and finds us in a 12 step group.

To encourage you, I am now nearly 3 years free from this addiction.  My life is better than it has been for so many years.  No deceit, no hours of wasted time, no wasted money much better self-esteem, my wife has got through the devastation of hearing of my infidelity and we are still together, a sense of wholeness.  

You can get there too.  The future might feel very uncertain and scary but you can survive this - life might be different but it can be as good as, even better than it was before. 

Come back and let us know how things are going.  We are here to support you. 

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Hi Andy,

Life sounds very similar for us both.  It is a horrible place, but as some people have said to me - this is the bottom. This is the worst it has got.

My story is here - http://paulahall.co.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/621-i-love-my-wife-and-children-i-want-to-be-with-them-again/

Since the world fell apart for me two weeks ago, every day has felt depressive and every day is a struggle.  But I have already noticed that it is a little less despairing than before.  Not a lot, but a tiny tiny bit. 

Main things I have done is to confess to my family, complete and utter brutal honesty and truth about what has happened, what I have done.  Only you know what the taboo things are but there are support lines out there, for example the Lucy Faithfull Foundation (if you are in UK).  You have reached out here, but also tell your story on other 'reboot' sites (I got links from yourbrainonporn.com.  Just hearing that there are others struggling is a help.  Reach out to Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous and Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous.

And, importantly, get rid of all temptation right now.  Delete any accounts you have, delete bookmarks and start your journey.  Only you know if you still love your wife.  I suspect you do - tell her.  Tell her you have this addiction but you will beat it because you love her and your child.

 

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