MH Posted January 4, 2018 Report Share Posted January 4, 2018 A few months ago my boyfriend of a year and a half admitted to cheating on me. We got together when we were 16 and had a really loving relationship (well thats what I thought), we were serious and everyone was completely shocked that he cheated as it was something so out of character for him. I broke up with him but he still wants to be together, I don't know what to do. As weeks went by, more and more things were being revealed, he cheated on me multiple times, not just physically but by sending nude photos, flirting with girls, having files of over 1000 photos of girls we knew without their consent that he would use to masturbate to. I knew he watched porn but but I did not realise how immoral and indecent the type of things he would watch and how frequent it was. We had previously had a period of time where he seemed completely disinterested in me and he now admits that he was having romantic feelings for another person which he tried to pursue while we were together. He came to the conclusion that he was a porn, sex and love addict. He had this type of behaviour for years before we even knew eachother. He says he used the porn and photos of girls as a way to cope with his depression. He wants to change and has been partaking in the online community NoFap and will start seeing a psychosexual counsellor soon.Right now I'm waiting for a specialist for their opinion on whether or not he is an addict because at least that way I would have some closure. Hes dealt with severe mental health issues for years, throughout his adolescene. I have remained friends with him as I deeply care for him and love him. But it is also largely due to the fact after the breakup his mental health plummeted and he is still struggling with feelings of suicide after several attempts. This time has been really intense but he is being put into counselling for his depression and I've been receiving counselling myself too. Hes fully aware about how I feel. I love him but I am not in a place to have a relationship at all let alone him. I know I could find someone else, even being single now I have had casual encounters with people. But despite everything I love him so much. Maybe I'm being young and stupid but I thought I was going to marry this guy. We will both be moving away to go to university (not sure where yet) in Autumn this year and I have tried to explain to him how we are so young and have so many opportunities ahead of us to meet someone else. But hes convinced that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I tell him how unrealistic that is but he just tells me its what he want. So really, when I'm ready and he's recovering, do I try again? Is it worth it? Another complication is that after all this I'm refusing to be long distance. I wish someone would just give me their honest opinion and advice. Please help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted January 10, 2018 Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Hi, just wondering, maybe it would be helpful if you did not put yourself in a position where you have to make a decision at the moment, it sounds like he has alot to sort out, you both have individual plans to attend Uni and that you have mixed views about the relationship. Just allow yourself time and permission not to have to make any further decisions for now and see how things go with your life and attending Uni. Time to grow and time apart might be helpful for you both right now and if you do decide to try again in the future then you might be clearer about one another's needs and feelings and what is okay for you within the relationship. Take care Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MH Posted January 10, 2018 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2018 Thank you for your response. Should I stop being friends with him? I don't want to because we deeply care for eachother. I just don't know what would be best. Imaging him not being in my life feels like it would be incredibly lonely as I have lost my closest friendships recently (it's unrelated, we had been drifting for a long time). The unis we want to attend overlap so it is possible to go to a similar area that is a really good school. I wonder whether we should purposefully go to different ones if we don't know if we want to be together or not. But if we do go to separate ones, I know for a fact that I wouldn't want to do the long distance because of everything that has happened. He feels disheartened because he wants us to be together but he said it feels like everyone is telling us to split properly and distance ourselves Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.