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Whyme

Please I need help..paraphilia case

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Hi, 

I'm a 35 year old man and I am desperately looking for help. 

Apologies in advance if this is not the right forum where to discuss my case but maybe there is someone who can point me in the right direction as I'm struggling to find the right contacts in internet due to my lack of knowledge regarding what type of specialist I need. 

For the last 4 years I've been trying to fight on my own against my disgusting impulse of exhibiting myself. I'm now on the edge of the situation where I fear that if this carry on this way I will get life lasting consequences from my behaviours particularly with the law.

My wife (I'm married and have a daughter) is aware of my whole situation and still supports me to carry on fighting and I cannot understand at all why on earth I am unable to think of the consequences when my urge comes. I hate this horrendous side of me, it has only given me distress, anxiety and fear yet I keep thinking about it and sometimes feeling too weak to stop it. 

Please I need help before I lose everything I got. It's my very first time seeking for profesional help and I already feel I have done at least a small step forward.

Thank you for reading,

B. 

Edited by Whyme

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Hi B.

Well done for coming on here - it is the first step to getting out of the compulsive habit of exhibiting yourself.  It isn't easy to accept that you need help, but it is absolutely critical that you do, you won't get out of the clutches of this addiction unless you do.  The good news is that you are beginning to realise that.  And you are in a good position in as much as you have a wife who knows and wants to support you.

You are right - it is very risky and harmful behaviour and it will certainly have an impact on your self-esteem and that is no doubt feeding the addiction.  The frustrating thing is in this situation is that it is a vicious cycle.  You feel crap about yourself, you have learnt that acting our by exhibiting yourself anaesthetises the pain of how you feel about yourself but only temporarily, and so you go back to it again and again.

The first thing is to start gaining your self-respect by taking action to get help. You have taken a significant step in coming on here looking for help.  I would recommend you read Paula's book on sex addiction so you understand what is going on.  I would then encourage you to either go on one of her recovery courses, which I personally found very helpful or to seek out a 12 step sex addiction group near you.  There are two or three such 12 step programmes out there on the internet.  In those groups you will find people who are struggling with similar behaviours.    So in mine, a group of 5 or so, one or two struggle with exhibitionism.  There you will find fellowship, advice, tools for recovery etc.

I hope too that you will come back here - keep us updated on how you are doing and asking for advice.  Keep going, you can get out of this.  Many have and so can you.  There is hope.

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Hey, Whyme. I hope you are well, congrats on seeking support and I wish you the best of luck. I think seeking support is surely the first step to success here. You are not alone for sure and I am sure most sex addicts can relate to that pain of the urge, doing something that you know is wrong...long term consequences ignored. 

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Hi everyone, 

Just coming back to the forum after a long while. I appreciate your words of encouragement and it means a  lot to know that I'm not on my own on this and that there is always genuine help available out there.

I have now started 1-2-1 sessions and I'm pleased to know that finally I will hopefully be able to get rid or at least control this issue and come back to my normal self where I can live in peace in body and mind. 

So far it's really hard to realise the depth of my issue and how far back it can relate but I'm willing to go through everything to stop it. I feel however it's the beginning of a very long road... 

Hope everyone is doing fine in here and will certainly be coming back for updates. 

Have a good weekend.

B

Edited by Whyme

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Welcome back Whyme.

Yes, it is a long road, but you are on the right road - keep going!

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