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PhilippaAnn

Tell me what to do....

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I posted on here about 5 months regarding my situation and there's been development which isn't easy. The first thing I want to say is that I love my partner so much and I want to help him however, my actions are making this difficult.

We had a good month or 2 and we went away to India for a month on our summer holidays. Whilst there, he proposed to me and I said yes. However, he didn't have a ring and he hadn't asked my parents and he wanted to it "properly". So we agreed we'd make it more official later on, maybe as soon as we got back. It was my birthday soon after the trip and he bought me another trip to prague in which he told me he was going to give me the ring then. We'd since been looking at them together.

A day or two after that, I found he'd been sexting again. I asked him to tell me straight away if it happened again. This made me quite paranoid though, I began checking his emails every day to see if he'd been using dating websites or had messages from girls etc. Its made me very anxious and I've been taking this out on him. Last Friday he said he can't stand the way I make him feel so little, and I talk to him like shit and if it didn't change he didn't think we should get engaged (Prague is two weeks away). He's annoyed I snoop on him and says the lack of trust is making him doubt whether we should get engaged or whether I love him or even like him.

This sent me a little crazy, as I took it as a sense of rejection. I tired to "perk up" but inside I've been am anxious wreck. He has been too I guess because last Monday/Tuesday he sent up a dating website account and started texting girls again. Which I found out about through my snooping. At fist he was made at me, asking why I'd been checking, said he did it on purpose to try and catch me out at snooping. Then later he broke down and said he realises this is an issue he needs to continue to try and get help (in the last 5 months he's seen one person once).

I then told him that i'd told a couple of girls from work and my sister that a proposal was coming and he went nuts. Said id brought it on myself if i look like a dick if he doesnt propose. He was livid at me and started having a go again about how I talk to him like shit, how I've not gotten any better in the last month etc and he didn't wanna talk about this issue anymore, he just wanted to talk about nice things and have fun instead of us always talkngi about the relationship. I said I needed support as well to deal with it and he said he didn't know what more I wanted, He then didn't wanna talk anymore and he's gone to his grandmas.

I'm so confused. Is this his illness? SHoul;d I just try and stop talking about it. Prague is one week away and I'm so anxious. I know I need to back off but I find it incredibly hard as it makes me feel so bad too

Someone please advise!!!

 

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So sorry to here this but it sounds like he is not in recovery and certainly seeing one person once in last 5 months is not helping.   By the sound of his actions he is projecting onto you and picking up on your  'faults' to to deflect from himself.  Active addicts always have a reason to do things eg texting to check if you are checking on him.  They are always sorry when they get caught but I think that's more to do with the fear of their double life being exposed.   He sounds like he cant take any responsibility for his action...perhaps you should delay your plans for a while till he either gets into a better place or not.  This illness changes personalities and enable them to manipulate, lie and distort whilst increasing their lack of accountability and responsibility, they are emotionally immature as dont have the skills to live in reality until they go through the process of recovery.

I am sorry if this sounds hard but that's what you are dealing with, google sex addiction, porn addiction so you are more aware of the illness and personality changes 

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