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Not sure if I have a problem or not...


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Hi everyone, have just stumbled across this forum whilst trying to find answers online. 

I'm not sure if I have a problem or not. I am a 32 year old female, mother of two. I live with my partner and I am going through a divorce (I was married for 10 years). My soon to be ex husband didn't have a high sex drive, at the start it was okay but it petered out and became a big issue between us. I felt rejected/unwanted/unattractive and my self esteem and confidence hit an all time low. He ended up having an affair, despite me wanting to have sex clearly I wasn't the one he wanted to be doing it with! Anyway, I kicked him out and shortly after met my new partner. 

 

He and I have been together for nearly 2 years and have recently moved in together. The trouble is, I want to have sex every night. I really enjoy having sex with him, at the beginning of our relationship we were at it all the time. I know it's natural for it to slow down, but now whenever he turns me down (citing his age/tiredness etc - he does have a hard stressful job) I feel rejected again and it really upsets me. I look forward to us going to bed because I want to have sex with him, it's on my mind a lot of the day and when we don't have the children (we each have children) it's all I really want to do. 

I dread 'that' time of the month because I have to go a week without it. 

Does anyone have any advice? Do I have a problem? If so, who is best to speak to? Thank you and good luck to everyone else x 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks for writing such an honest post.  It's good to hear a female voice on the forum to remind us that this problem can affect anyone.

It certainly sounds like you have a problem, but whether that's 'addiction' to sex or just a different desire to your partner is hard to know.  Regrettably we often want what we can't have even more, so it may be his lack of interest that is driving your desire more than anything else.  You know something is an addiction when you feel dependent on it.  When it becomes the most important thing in your life that pre-occupies you.  Also when not being able to access your 'drug of choice' leaves you feeling low or irritable and the search for it starts causing problems in other areas of your life.  It may be that a session with a therapist would help you to think these issues through.  Certainly a question I would ask is whether or not this has been a problem for you in previous relationships and whether you've ever struggled with other types of addiction or if addiction is in your family of origin at all.  Do take a look around the rest of this site for more information and you might find the 'Am I an Addict? assessment tool helpful too.  Do get in touch with us if you'd like a one-off session to explore - many of us are sex and couple therapists as well so we can help you - whatever the correct 'definition' might be.  Best wishes.;

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