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Partner addicted to erotic massages and prostitutes - over 20 years..

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Posted

Dear Paula, Dear fellow partners who have suffered infidelity of such nature,

My husband has a sexual addiction (prostitutes, erotic massages, etc), which has been ongoing for the last 15-20 years. He is almost 60 no. We are on a second marriage (now together for 6 years) and I have recently discovered what has been going on. I am mentally and emotionally devasted by the uglyness of everything that he has subsequently (after going through cycles of lying and denying) shared with me - often describing it in such vivid detail that the pain drives me into despair and hysteria. I do not live in the UK and would like to receive some advice as to possible treatments for him - we have tried therapy multiple times but he just lies to the therapist, waisting large amounts of money for no good reason. Are there any other medical solutions we could do? I am just so desperate, as well as ashamed, embarassed and frustrated by all that has just been dumped on me that I feel paralyzed in thought and action..

I hope for your advice soon.

Kind regards,
Ede

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Posted

Hi Ede, 

Oh what a shock to find yourself in this situation.  For any partner it comes as a shock of course, but in later relationships we all like to think that we're somehow wiser and more knowledgeable - but regrettably sex addiction is so easy to hide - and deny as you've painfully discovered. 

I'm sorry to hear that you've not found a treatment approach that has worked for your husband.  Unfortunately being lied to is a common and unavoidable hazard when working in this field and as a therapist you have to be aware of it.  In my experience, that's where being part of a group is so powerful - you may have heard the expression "you can't bullshit a bullshitter'.  It's within the groups that we really see people opening up and being honest - often for the first time in their lives.  

Our intensives are specifically developed for people who struggle geographically and we have had many people join us from Europe, from the Emirates and from the USA.  If you want more information, please feel free to email me personally at paula@paulahall.co.uk  We also provide intensive support programmes for partners so we can help you get the help that you need to survive this too - whether that's alone, or together. 

Warmest wishes,

Paula

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