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Hi help needed

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Posted

So I recently had a massive scare legally this has been cleared up and I needn't of been concerned. I had been told my concern was unwarranted by authorities but your legal advise to someone else has fully relieved me. Still it really has hit home the problem I've had. Multiple times a day I would go in search of porn and the longer this goes on he more relentless and difficult the search for new images/videos had become and the keywords to use to get to it. I've long know my porn usage was too much and mostly for escapism. I was never concerned that I was in any kind of legal trouble because i knew what i was after until the scare but now I've kind of woken up to the fact that this is a problem and I shouldn't be in a situation where that could be a worry. So yea mostly i was just looking for advice on where to begin with going porn free. Frankly the shear amount of time I waste is reason enough. 

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Posted

Hello,

It's brave of you to be open about your struggles. The theme of escalation is definitely something I can connect with personally and is very common. It can come in many forms for different people. It might start out getting into more "extreme" forms of porn or crossing personal "red lines" or even going further. It's a great wake-up sign for you that your recent scares have highlighted this. For me, that feeling of being out of control with porn and escalation was very scary as it felt like I cannot trust myself or am at least very wary. Obviously it can potentially keep going and getting worse if you don't act to stop. For me, that was one of the most insidious things about this addiction - it made me think I can be in control of it but I was not. Only the shock of being caught and exposed etc. is when reality would creep in and it doesn't look nice.  Things can be a lot different once you can let go of the porn and all the associated anxiety it brings. With some work you can be free of it.

You've also made an astute observation at the sheer time wasting potential of porn. Many entire months of my life have disappeared to it if I added it all up on that alone, even if there were no other negative side effects.

For further help, good news - there's a lot of things you can do and resources:

- Educate yourself about porn addiction, learn how it works both physically and psychologically. There are great resources available on the Internet. E.g. YourBrainOnPorn (YBOP) and Reboot Nation (Gabe Deem). Paula has a book also which is good as well as several other texts on the subject too. 

- Find other guys to talk to and who can support. When I was using porn for years I never told a soul and thought I was the only person in the world carrying this problem. That isolation in fact is self-defeating yet I found it very hard to admit the porn to others. What a paradox. There are many guys out there both online and in the real world who can help support and guide you, and are at all different stages of recovery and getting their lives back from porn. Many many people!!! Paula runs a real life group as a pay course which I would strongly recommend but it costs money. There are other alternatives like SLAA.

- And obviously stop using immediately. Put blockers on your phone, tablet and computer etc. For me, that was extremely difficult in the early days but it does get better with time as your understanding and ability to cope improves.

Please keep posting!

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